True Confessions of a Prophets Wife: A Father's Day Tribute

In my search for perspective this week my eye caught an old pink journal on the bookshelf. I always enjoy looking back on what I wrote. Sometimes it can be frustrating to see myself still struggling with the same old issues but other times it is so encouraging to see how the Lord worked through my life in hindsight. And sometimes the words I wrote years ago come back to drill me today.
I opened to a page from July 30, 2007. We had just moved from Lancaster, Pennsylvania to New Bern, North Carolina. A total journey of faith that pushed me beyond my comfort zone and caused me to cling tighter to the Lord and trust my husband deeper.
Here's what I read,

"If I were to write a book it would be entitled, "True confessions of a prophet's wife".
To be married to a prophet is like a rollercoaster ride. While you are on it you want to get off yet you know life would be pretty boring if you didn't get to hang upside down once and awhile or go sideways with the wind flying in your face. There are many times I want to just jump ship because I am afraid I  might lose my lunch or lose my mind yet I know I would not be satisfied sitting on the sidelines however peaceful that might look.
Sometimes the very things I love about him are the very things I hate yet in the end I wouldn't want it any other way. I love his passion and his sense of adventure... except when I don't. I love his focus and drive... except when they are not focused on me. I love that He loves the Lord and is obedient... except when that obedience costs me something.
But are those really his faults...or my own? Are the things that I despise in him only there because they expose the very things I despise in me? If this is true how much more do I need him, do I need the ride with all its twists and turns, do I need the passion and the risks with all the sacrifice and costs.
For on this ride I am finding and losing myself and I need the prophet to be the woman I am called to be." 

Mark,

This is a belated Father's Day tribute to you, the prophet, my husband and the father of our children. I am blessed to be your wife and you do make me a better woman. Thanks for being who you are. I am with you on this ride through whatever twists and turns it takes.

love you like crazy, Heather

Quote of the day.

From the back of the van yesterday came this conversation:

Moses: "Mom I know how BIG God is!"
Mom: "Really?"
Moses: "Yeah, you know the song "He's got the whole world in His hands". Well if the world is as big as his hands I took my hands and it takes 17 hands to cover my body so God is 17 times our world..."

Wow. Child like faith mixed with second grade math. Made me smile.

Perspective in Aisle 10

Perspective. I know that I keep talking about it. But maybe one of these days I will get it...truly see things for how they are. I need to keep reminding myself of my need for perspective because my view can so easily be thrown off by temper tantrums, fighting, a dirty sticky old kitchen with dishes to be done, or a carpet that needs to be vacuumed yet again. But that is not true perspective.
I was at the grocery store with the four children yesterday which alone is always somewhat of an adventure. I had Hope in a big car cart and then the three others toddling behind me like a train with little carts. I guess we made quite the sight because people kept stopping me to say, "My don't you have your hands full" and "You've got a lot of little helpers today!". Yes, Yes. I say. Got to keep moving before little hands are tempted to touch anything. I am talking to them the whole time as we walk. "Please don't run into me with the cart". "Please get to the side so you don't run over that nice lady" (who turned out to be going blind and could not see the kids anyways)."Please do not play bumper carts or you will lose your cart".
Anyways you get the picture, we were making our way through the story when a woman in her 40's with a teenage son stopped me in the yogurt section just as was about to lose my cool after almost having my heels nipped by a little cart for the tenth time.
"I just wanted to say what a great job you are doing with these kids. The are doing so well with their carts.".
 I laughed out loud. "Thanks I needed to hear that.."
We chatted for a few minutes and she went on to say that as crazy as it is now you will miss the little helpers in the grocery store. She said people used to tell her that but it was hard to believe, then she pointed to her teenage son who was calmly pushing her cart. "But they grow up and you do miss it."
Wow. Perspective.

I walked away with my head held a little higher and actually smiled as they raced their carts thru the freezer section. I quickly lost that perspective at lunchtime but got it again in the afternoon as I recalled the conversation in aisle 10.

Savor this time. Relish the chaos. Stop freaking out about stuff that is not important.....

keep your eyes on the road

Did you ever have one of those moments when the words that come out of your mouth come right back around to you? Lately it seems to be happening a lot. Like when yelling "Stop yelling" to the children or encouraging my daughter to stop whining in a high pitch whiny voice....
So today while driving to BB''s, the amish discount grocery store, I was deep in thought. I was thinking about the book I just read by Mary Beth Chapman, called "Choosing to SEE", which was her life story along with the story of losing her five year old daughter. Talk about a tear jerker. So I was thinking about her story and hoping that something like that would never happen and then thinking back to some hard things we went through when my thoughts were interrupted by Hope screaming from the back seat, "mommy look at me". I turned around to see her showing me a small cut on her finger. I turned back around but she was still fussing. "Hope, I can't look back and keep my eyes on where I am going."
And as soon as the words tumbled out of my mouth they almost seemed to echo in my own ears. As if the Lord himself were speaking the same thing to me. I can't look back. I can only look forward to the good things the Lord has for me, for us. I can't park on fear, worry or the what-if's. I can't dwell on the could have beens or should haves. I can only look forward.

Such a seemingly small conversation with a two year old blondie with pig tails spoke volumes to my heart.

beautiful lancaster county

Mark took this picture while driving thru lancaster county on sales calls. He got a new iphone and is having fun with the camera and some of the cool editing features. I love seeing his passion for photography and creativity come to life. It is always a good sign. 

our homestead

 We dream of a homestead. A place to own and put our roots down deep. A place to raise our children. A homestead where writing, photography and businesses would flow. A place where we could have a bed and breakfast....
But in the meantime this is our homestead. Our little corner of the world where we rent a big ol' farmhouse and raise our children. How do you dream for the future and yet walk in contentment with where you are RIGHT now. Sometimes it feels there is tension in the proccess.
The other night we were all working in our HUGE garden (think 12 one hundred foot rows) and I looked up to see my family working the ground TOGETHER and I could not help but smile ear to ear and was reminded of how good life is NOW. And just when I thought that I looked up and saw two deer in the meadow. It was beautiful like something surreal out of a movie, with huge pillowly clouds as the backdrop. It seems some of the tension is relived when I embrace fully where I am at so I can recieve whatever is coming in the future.
So here are some pictures of Blossom View Farm, our today homestead.

 As for God, his way is perfect:

The LORD’s word is flawless;
he shields all who take refuge in him.
It is God who arms me with strength
and keeps my way secure.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he causes me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You make your saving help my shield,
and your right hand sustains me;
your help has made me great.
You provide a broad path for my feet,
so that my ankles do not give way. (psalm 18)

thru the looking glass...

our little hope

 What a joy to mother this little girl. Her name Hope Ireland, literally means "Vibrant Hope" and she is full of it. She has a personality all her own and she keeps me quessing and laughing. The last two weeks have been huge for her as she has started potty training and sleeping in a big girl bed...none of which was initiated by me. She started wanting to be changed every time she went and asking to go on the potty and she started climbing out of her crib. I was dragging my feet on both but decided to go for it and she is doing pretty well. She loves being big. She keeps walking around saying she is four. She has an opinion on how her hair is combed and the past week she wants "ig-tals mommy" everyday. Too cute.

We love you Hope!

snapshots of summer

summer is here.

So summer is officially here, at least in my book as school ended yesterday. The start has been a bit shaky with lots of fighting and melt downs (some of my own as well). Part of it might be the scorching heat that makes it feel like 110 outside and maybe 90 inside our farmhouse. Yikes.
Tuesday the kids and i went strawberry picking and have since made freezer jam and had strawberries and icecream every single night! I'd like to think that any extra weight I may have gained from eating iceream every night has been lost as I sweat it out with no air conditioned....
Here's to fresh strawberries, iceream and the start of summer....

adoption.

 We met our good friends Jason & Betsey two years ago and there was an instant connection. They have four boys and have moved almost as many times as we have. We can share our hearts and laugh together. We hung out with them on Saturday and their two oldest boys fell in love with our kittens. Sunday they came back to take them home. They were so excited....and they ended up taking three of the four! It was a blessing for everyone.... Just like our friendship...

when I grow up...

Moses came home with a paper he wrote at school. The assignment was to write about when he grows up...here is what he wrote:

"My cousins Noah, Kaden, Judah, Ezra and I are going to make a humongous house when we have enough money. To earn money my cousin Noah will probably be a football player. I will probably work with my dad to earn money. After that we will start to build the foundation and we are going to have a giant deck. We are going to have a grown-ups only room, cousins room, guest room, a lego room, a building room, and lots of other rooms. The lego, cousins, and building rooms will probably be the funnest rooms of them all.

We are going to have a hot tub on our giant deck and we are going to have a pool and a tree house. When I grow up I want to be a builder because you make money, build the foundation and build rooms."

Moses Buckwalter, age 7

So I think he might have gotten a few of these ideas last summer when him and his cousin Noah drew house plans for the fore mentioned "humongous house" they are planning to build. Can't wait to see what each one of these boys end up doing?!!! I know there is a calling and destiny on each of their lives to impact the world...



For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. (jeremiah 29:11)

a cat named baby

 So our mama cat had four little kittens, who we are currently in need of homes by the way. But in the meantime Hope and Sarah have become quite fond of a little kitten they call Baby and that is not only his name but also how they treat him. They hold him, rock him, give him baby bottles, wrap him in blankets, and read stories to him. It is all quite hilarious but even more crazy is that the Baby lets them. He goes limp in their arms like a baby doll as he is carried, jostled and hung upside down.  Meet "baby"...

 If anyone is interested in a kitten here are the pictures of the others...we have two identical black and white ones and a gray one with blue eyes. All cute and friendly...we just got too many cats. I didn't even want any cats at all and now we have six. Way too many...so these little cuties are free to a good home!

Have a great day!

Dear Secret Admirer...

We got home late Sunday night from the beach and Monday morning the kids found a bag sitting on our porch. In it was a shirt for each kid, a cool hat for mommy, and turkey hill gift card for Daddy....with no note except "Enjoy and God Bless". The shirts were perfect and the crazy thing is the kids were needing some new stuff for summer. Sarah said excitedly "Mom, we have a secret admirer". Yes, we do and we also have a heavenly Father who loves us and know our needs. It was a reminder that His heart is on us. So....

 Dear Secret Admirer,
THANK YOU. We were so blessed!
love, the Buckwalters

"For I know if His eye is on the sparrow,

Then His heart is on me."

-Jake Hamilton