Motherhood.

Last spring while browsing through the toy section at Target I ran into a veteran home school mom. It was in the midst of the Lord starting to put home school on my heart and I confessed to her that I was thinking about doing it. I remember her saying, "Homeschool is really about what the Lord wants to do in YOU." And I also remember me thinking, "Yeah, that is exactly why I am scared !"
The first few weeks of summer were very hard this year. I was surprised by how used to I had become of my "relaxed" afternoons with only two children. The adjustment to having all four kids home all day was difficult for them...and for me. There was no where to send them or no where to run from the issues that were coming up in me and in them.
I am excited and scared about homeschool for these exact reasons. Even more than the school work aspect, the mothering part is just as overwhelming. I know there are areas the Lord wants to strengthen and grow me in but it is also hard for my perfectionist self to not take myself so seriously.
A few weeks back I was wrecked by this article on mothering. I literally sat at the computer and bawled as the Lord touched places in my heart. (check it out at www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/motherhood-is-a-calling-and-where-your-children-rank). I actually went and bought the author's book, "Loving the Little Years...Motherhood in the Trenches". I am really enjoying the perspective and challenges she brings...

I am blessed that the Lord loves me where I am at but He also loves me too much to leave me here...

"I didn't write this book because mothering is easy for me. I wrote it because it isn't."

-Rachel Jankovic