rejoice.

The spirits have been high here in the Buckwalter house...so has the energy, fighting and chaos. Tis the season to be jolly!! (Hee! Hee!)  Last week I was stressed and still trying to pack up the house. This week I took a break from packing and hung the stockings, decorated for the season and have been getting into the Christmas spirit. At this point we will not move until closer to the New Year but that feels good.

Yesterday was the the kids last day at their school. In January they will be starting at a new school. We went and visited last week and thankfully each kids knew or recognized at least two faces in their new class. I am praying for a smooth transition. Sarah is taking it the hardest. Sometimes I think we are so different and I can blame Mark for her passion and energy. But yesterday as she just sobbed and sobbed for over an hour about leaving her school I was reminded of another second grade girl who cried so hard on her last day of school before moving that her eyes were so puffy they were just slits. And her best friend at the time had given her half of a best friends forever necklace. Sarah came home from school with a necklace of her own from her best friend at school. I guess we are more alike than I think sometimes. I could understand her pain and fear and worries. But I was able to move on and make new friendships and I pray she will too.

We head to the first of our Christmas get togethers today. I am praying that in the midst of moving I can just savor this time with my family playing games of uno, laughing, watching cheesy Christmas movies and just being together. 

May each of you savor the JOY of the season!

Merry Christmas from the Buckwalters!

we are not consumed.

What can I say that hasn't already been said? What took place at Sandy Hook Elementary on Friday was unimaginable...a parent's worst nightmare. The unthinkable took place and I don't even like to really think about it too long. It makes my heart heart.

Today I felt so heavy thinking about the people in Connecticut, other stories of recent loss, troubles at work, and my own stress of moving and packing at the holidays. I felt as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders. My heart was so heavy. And I felt guilty for even being  frustrated with my children this weekend  running around the house making messes. I want to enjoy these moments and cherish this time but sometimes this parenting thing can be just so downright frustrating and tiring.

Finally I just broke. Laid it all down at His feet. Let it go.

And peace came. It is not mine to carry. 

This verse came to mind,

"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him.”

-Lamentations 3:22-24

Amen. 

quiet.

That is what it is now. And that is what it has been on this blog. Though not for lack of activity. I have sat down to write several times but feel at loss for words. And at times too scattered to even want to write. Between the exercises of daily living, Christmas season activities,  the systematic packing up of our lives, and the preparing of our new house...I feel pulled and stretched and worn thin.

I have started out many blog posts in my head, "Parenting is H.A.R.D.", "Packing, Packing and more Packing" and "Tired Mom Yells at Her Kids"... but ended up feeling like I really didn't have anything very inspiring to say! So I have remained quiet.
(i joke but not really)

But I know it is good for me to type out words to get to my heart....and God's heart.

 He is for me.

 He is after me.

And He loves me.

There are good things prepared for those who love Him.

Those who hope in the Lord will not be disappointed.

Here's to our next adventure. And to seeing it as just that! 

down a sunny dirt road...

You know the familiar beginning "Down a sunny dirt road deep in bear country lived the Bernstain Bears..." That is what I feel like when I pull into the lane of our new house. It is down a long dirt lane deep in the river hills of Conestoga. It is only ten minutes from our current home yet it feels like a different world in some ways. 

In less than six weeks we are moving. I am excited and overwhelmed all together. I find myself on one hand daydreaming about furniture arrangements and decorating and on the other hand grieving the transition. I know packing is God's way of helping me transition. So I have already started to pack and sort our lives into boxes and piles. This is our ninth move in ten years and I am getting good at this but it can still be difficult. 

Some days I feel like another story book character, the mouse in "if you give a mouse a cookie". I will start packing and go downstairs and realize I never cleaned up breakfast and then someone will need me upstairs and find I never finished packing and then Eden will wake up and...you get the point. I feel pulled in so many directions. And I feel distracted in my parenting as we have been preparing for this move and trying to get everything figured out. I hate feeling distracted like I am not giving my all and best to anything that I am doing. 

But this is a season. This shall pass. In a few weeks we will be packed up and moved into our little farmhouse down a sunny dirt lane and it will be okay. God is providing grace for the transition.

As I was packing yesterday I came across some old journals and started to leaf through them. I found myself laughing at some parts and crying at others. It was cool to see God's fingerprints on my life as I looked back in retrospect. There was an entry I had written a few months after we got married. I was already pregnant with Moses and we had gone to a conference where we had a prophecy time during which a couple strangers pray for you and share what God gives them. I had written down the prophetic words that were given to us, a newlywed couple at the time living in our first house next to my parents. These were the words that were spoken over me, 

"God is redefining your sense of home. He is home. Home is in the Lord. You are trying to figure out where home is but where I AM is, is home."

" You have been given homemaking abilities and God is going to bless you in that and you are going to impart that to to others."

"I see you moving. The Lord has you and you have the Lord. Do not be afraid of the location. The location is not important. There will be several moves. Not just settled in one place. Is is important to move with the Lord as your home."

Wow. How right on is that, ten years and nine moves later. What confirmation that we are right on track and that the Lord is our HOME.

So the Lord is moving with us. His pen is writing the story of our lives. I can embrace the change knowing He is pouring out grace. And not only that but this house down the dirt lane in Conestoga was part of His plan all along.

six years.

Six years ago today on a crisp November day we welcomed Silas Mark into the world. I had prayed for a laid back baby as he was the third child in three years. God answered my prayers. Silas is a happy guy with an easygoing personality and a kind spirit. He gets along with all of his brothers and sisters and is loving kindergarten. He loves all things "manly" but is not too cool to play house with his sisters. He is a special part of our family.

We love you buddy. We are proud to call you son!

Happy Birthday Silas!

a good story.

So a few weeks back I wrote here about how God is writing a good story for us. I then proceeded to spend the next month being stressed out and worried that maybe the end of the story really wasn't going to be that good. And maybe I needed to help God out. There were some twists and turns and I just wanted to skip all of the trusting stuff and just get to the end of the story already.
Two weeks ago on Saturday night while waiting for Mark to come home from a wedding I pulled out my blog and read the entry I had written back in September. "Whoever wrote this had a lot more faith than I do" I thought sarcastically. But I felt God tugging at my heart. I needed to let go and trust again. The next morning I was listening to the radio broadcast of a local church and in the short time I listened the preacher must have said at least ten times "God is writing the story. God is writing the story." I was driving down the road with tears streaming down my face. I got it Lord. I will trust you. I release control.
Three days later we found out about the house we are going to rent in December.

he is a good daddy. he writes good stories. my heart need not fear.

just a little fun.

We will now interrupt this blog for a little advertising. :) My kids got to be in on a little photo shoot for some recent advertising for Jeremy Hess Photographers and had so much fun. I thought I should pass on some fun to all of you who live in Lancaster. Check it out.

Also for all those who are looking for some Christmas card photos....now is the time. All this week Jeremy Hess Photographers is doing Holiday Mini Sessions. Some of the sessions will even be here on our farm! Email Anne at studio@jeremyhessphotographers.com to schedule your session. These are 20 minute sessions which is just the right time for families with young children! Prices range from $100 to $200 including digital negatives. This is a great deal! Check out jeremyhessphotographers.com for more details.

Happy Saturday!

yesterday.

Yesterday I turned 34 although according to their math I am only 23. I'll take it! :) I had a quiet day at home with the kids but a good day filled with messages, cards and birthday greetings. :)

Also yesterday, my in laws celebrated their wedding anniversary so I wanted to send a shout out to them...

 I was thinking of you guys yesterday and hope you are enjoying your get away! Thanks for all that you pour out and invest into our lives and our children's. 

Happy Anniversary! 

wedding season.

I can't believe it is October already...the middle of October at that. September and October have been busy months with wedding photography for Mark. Lots and lots of weddings. One special wedding was our friends, Tyler & Amber. Tyler and Amber are a young couple that we have gotten to walk through life with over the last year. Amber works with Mark at Jeremy Hess Photographers and our kids adore Tyler and Amber. I don't' have the pictures from the wedding yet but I do have a few from the rehearsal dinner. Mark was capturing the whole event and Sarah and Hope were flower girls. Sarah especially loved every minute of it. So many questions about love, and marriage and weddings. And Sarah loved dancing the night away at the reception. When it was over that night she cried as i tucked her into bed, "i was looking forward to this for so long and now it is over". I know sweet girl . I loved all the details at the rehearsal dinner and wedding. Such a beautiful and creative wedding. Here are a few snapshots...

and here's a little wedding preview :)

click here if you interested in seeing more of their beautiful wedding and our girls dancing the night away  :) beautiful beautiful wedding video. it is worth your time.

rest easy.

you are not alone
I will always be with you
Even to the end

You don't have to work so hard
You can rest easy
You don't have to prove yourself
You're already mine
You don't have to hide your heart
I already love you
I hold it in mine
So you can rest easy

Do not be afraid
Nothing, nothing in the world
Can come between us now

You work so hard to wear yourself down
And you're running like a rodeo clown
You're smiling like you're scared to death
You're out of faith and all out of breath
You're so afraid you've got nowhere left to go

Well, you are not alone
I will always be with you

You don't have to work so hard
You can rest easy
You don't have to prove yourself
You're already mine
You don't have to hide your heart
I already love you
I hold it in mine
You can rest easy

~andrew peterson

find rest.

Find REST Oh my soul in God alone...

"Come to ME all who are weary and burdened and I will give you REST"

I came across this quote yesterday and it spoke volumes...

"Mother Teresa said firmly, 'No, I will not (pray that you receive clarity).'"

"When he asked her why, she said, 'Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of." 

When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, 'I have never had clarity; what I have 

always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.'"

But I TRUST in You Lord. 

I say "you are my God"

My times are in your hands. 

(psalm 31:14)

eden

So you wonder what it is like to have five kids? Well you have unending piles of wash, maybe lose a few kids at the local fair, and you post your baby's four month pictures well after they turn five months. Oh and you are never ever bored. Tired maybe. Overstimulated yes. But never a dull moment! 

Miss Eden is five months old now and such a sweetie. Lots of giggles and smiles. Starting to love watching the kids and there is always someone or something to watch. So much so that my girl also loves her bed and is getting into more of schedule in nap taking. I don't blame her ....the quiet hum of the fan and the light coming through the window warming up the room does look quite inviting. :)

Eden is also a snuggler and loves to be held and kissed. And as tiring as it can be to try to hold her and make dinner or nurse her at random hours of the night there is also something so special about her sweet baby smell, her adoring eyes, and ways she grasps hold of my finger while she eats...

Oh I love this little girl.

hmmm...

so you think somebody is teething?

Lots of slobber, sleepless nights, and wanting to be held. Praying for her first teeth to come through any day now...please.