blown away by love....

So I continue to wait...wait on the Lord...wait on this baby.
It has been a battle to stay focused and positive with the pain and discomfort. It is a challenge to know how to rest in the midst of chaos at times.
Yesterday I had another doctor's visit and if I do not go into labor on my own they will induce me on Monday...it is a relief to know there is an end in sight.
I want to find rest in the Lord as I wait...knowing each day brings me closer to the end.
During this season of me being out of commission I have been blown away by the love of friends and family...calling, texting, sending words of encouragement, bringing meals, watching my children. I am blessed.
My dear and talented friend Laura took these pictures from my surprise shower on Saturday. I love the ones where the girls are praying for me. I was blown away by love...

falling apart and being upheld

What a week....I went to the doctor's on Wednesday for a normal routine check up. I was in a lot of pain in my hip and lower back and having a lot of pressure and off and on contractions. I cried through the visit because I was so uncomfortable. The doctor checked me and I was three centimeters but told me not to get my hopes up. The next three days I continued to feel contractions and pressure and a lot of cramping. All of my other labors have been super quick so when I started feeling things I kept thinking I was going into labor but it would never progress. So for three days I drove myself crazy thinking "any time" now.
Yesterday I went back to the doctor because like I said I felt like I was going crazy. . . especially as the pain in my back and hip continues to worsen so that I can hardly walk.
To make a long story short after a doctor's visit and several hours in triage the conclusion is. . . I am falling apart. Basically 8 pregnancies in 10 years has taken its toll. . . my uterus is more sensitive and my muscles are not what they used to be.
I feel a bit like the pictures Sarah drew of me. . . awkward and uncomfortable.
And I have felt very much at the end of myself and my strength. And that is where falling apart is a good thing. . . so I can fall into the arms of Grace.
A friend (thanks Kelley) sent me this verse yesterday from Psalms 63:8,




"My soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me"


She then wrote that even when I feel like I am falling apart He is upholding me.


As I have gotten to the end of myself and my own strength I am starting to feel His hand upholding me a little more. I am seeing I need to continue to let go and TRUST (isn't this a common theme).
I can trust that this little girl will come in His perfect timing. A song I have been listening to on repeat is Misty Edwards "Turn it All Around"....


"He's gonna turn it all around...just wait and see. He's gonna make everything beautiful just in time".

Today is a perfect example....

I woke up in a lot of pain but felt more rested than I had all week. I have not been sleeping good at all and have been very uncomfortable. We were supposed to go to a friend's house for a brunch and I had debated whether or not we should go but then decided a distraction would be good.

 I limped my way up the front steps of their house and into the backyard where we were going to eat. I opened the back door only to be surrounded by twenty of my friends and family. I just stood there looking confused. It wasn't my birthday. What the world?

It was a surprise baby shower for me. After the shock wore off I just cried. 

Blown away by love. Surprised by God's timing. Overwhelmed by my friends and family.

It was so what I needed at the right time.

So I feel encouraged...this was not how I envisioned the end of my pregnancy to look like. I am going to have let more things go. I will spend a lot of time on the couch but I can fight it or embrace it. I spent last week fighting and I am tired. I will embrace it and keep my eyes on the prize...my baby girl.

Misty Edwards is singing now, "Don't give up. Don't give in. If you don't quit you win. Just wait and see..."

I am waiting in eager anticipation.

waiting.

waiting is so hard sometimes. i don't like to wait...waiting has an element of being out of control.

right now i feel very out of control. i am still dealing with a lot of pain...in my back and specifically in my right hip. i limp when i walk and it kills to go up the stairs. everyday tasks are becoming increasingly more difficult.

i was at the doctor's today and there is not a whole lot they can do...except wait for this baby to come. i have been feeling very emotional and having contractions reguarly now so i am praying that the wait is soon up. it is funny how just two weeks ago i was still feeling nervous about delivering but now i am like "just bring it on".

Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD. psalm 27:14

a boy and his dog

tumbleweeds...

our little workers...

A few years ago we discovered the free Kids Workshop at Home Depot where the kids get a little Home Depot apron and can build a project. It is now one of our kids favorite things to do on a Saturday.  They LOVE it! It is a fun free family thing to do and the kids love that they can use real tools and in this case paint! Last Saturday they built a little bird house feeder and got to paint it too...we hung the little houses in our windows and have had few friends visit already. Here are our little workers at work...

Mr. Home Depot: Silas took a break from working and decided to pose on some lumber! What a ham!

Even Hope got in on the action!

And all the painting got me itching to paint our bedroom! I had started peeling wall paper off the walls when I was pregnant with the twins and never painted the room..so I was ready to get it finished. Here I am wearing a mask to avoid an lead paint exposure...but I look more like some kind of weird pregnant bandit! I was blessed that my husband humored me and agreed to tackle the job! We made a great team and got it all done in an afternoon!

spring has sprung...

quote of the day and a little dose of reality

mama

So the other night Sarah drew a lovely portrait of our family. I snapped a picture on my phone of her depiction of mama because I thought it was a cute drawing of me and my belly.
The next morning I looked closer at the family portrait and noticed she had drawn herself holding the baby. So I asked her over breakfast why she had drawn me pregnant if I already had the baby.
Her answer was priceless.
"Because after you have the baby you still have a belly".
Oh yes..that's right.

I love children's observations and it provided me a good laugh... and a little dose of reality!

baby love...

So last night Mark took a few belly shots of me. If I look a bit pained in any of the pictures it is because I am so uncomfortable right now...i think the baby is lying on my sciatic nerve putting me in pain unless I am lying down. I know it is a call to rest. I feel so ready to have this baby girl...to carry her on the outside, to hold her in my arms. I know I still have 3 weeks to go...but a girl can hope to go early...which is what this mama is wishing for. I pray for God's perfect timing...but maybe sooner than later Lord?
Baby you are loved and eagerly anticipated.

an overactive imagination

I read this quote the other day,
"Worry is a misuse of imagination. "    (Dan Zadra)


   Well...than I must have a pretty good imagination because it is embarrassing the places my mind can go to  sometimes out of fear and worry. You know like picturing Mark dead on the side of the road when I can't get a hold of him on his cell phone...yeah that kind of worry.
   But worry does not enrich my life today or stop things from happening tomorrow. I recently read an article in the Sunday paper about Micheal J. Fox where he is quoted saying, "Worry is pointless because if something bad does happen, then you've lived it twice." I never thought of it that way before.
   My mind is fresh on these thoughts after having just finished reading two different blogs about families facing adversity. I came away feeling both thankful and anxious...thankful for my current situation and anxious because there is no guarantees in life.
   But whenever I worry or let my overactive imagination run away from me I am leaving out a major part of the equation...God. And that was the common thread in both blogs I read...God had given them peace and strength to face the things life had thrown at them.

"A fear is a feeling about something that might  happen tomorrow or next week or next year. As you stand on the moment today and look ahead to that place, you feel afraid imagining that possibility. And you are imagining how you'll feel if that happens. But you don't know how God will prepare you or change your heart or provide for you when you get there....
God gives us the strength we need when we reach our place of need, not days or weeks or even moments before, when we are sitting around fretting about future possibilities.
And when we come face to face with the thing we fear the most He provides what we need.
And the fear disappears. Just like a mirage."

(quotes from Carol Kuykendall)

   The one blog I read was  http://nieniedialogues.com/  about a woman who was in an airplane crash and 80% of her body was burned. She just had her fifth baby, a girl, which kind of struck close to home. She writes and talks about how the crash as made her appreciate the gift of motherhood and thankful to be alive. She just came out with a book that I will probably now have to read.
   The other blog also hits close to home because it is Mark's cousin, Jeremy. The doctors found a tumor in his abdomen and are thinking it is cancer. Jeremy and Sabrina have three young children. We love these guys and are praying with and for them. If you want to read some of their journey check out http://js417.blogspot.com/  and keep this family in your thoughts and prayers!


And as for me, I am going to try to put my overactive imagination into good use and imagine holding this baby girl soon! I am choosing today to let go of fear and worry and trust the Lord who will never leave or forsake His children!

donuts for breakfast

You know it is a good day when you get donuts for breakfast. Visiting Central Market has become kind of a weekend tradition for Mark and the kids...on Saturday mornings he will take the early risers to market and come home with the goodies. This Friday though all the kids and Daddy had off so the whole family took a little outing to market....it was a great way to begin our Easter weekend!

Happy Belated Easter!

“Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!”

~Oscar Wilde~