decade.

Yesterday my oldest turned ten. A decade ago when he was born I became a mother. With his birth a desire of my heart was fulfilled. I never imagined how much joy being a mother would bring me....and how hard it would be. We always joke that with Moses it was "baptism with fire" into parenting. He cried a lot. Didn't sleep much. I tore really bad during labor and the recovery was long. We had thrush, mastitis, and other breastfeeding issues. Sometimes Mark would not know who to comfort first as he would find us both in tears. But after six months something shifted and we found a delightful baby boy on our hands. 

He has been continuing to bring us joy and delight ever since. As the oldest he is always forging the way. This summer I really enjoyed having him home. He is full of conversation and opinions. He loves to read, play legos, build and create. He is also adventurous always trying something new whether it is skateboarding, surfing on his boogey board or trying a new bike trick. He is also a really great big brother to Eden. It was awesome this summer to watch him play with her. And she adores her big brother "Mo Mo".

Happy Birthday Moses! I love you buddy! Thanks for making me a Mom!

in the quiet.

The house is quiet, strangely quiet. I put three kids on the school bus this morning. Suddenly the scale has tipped and I now have more kids at school than at home. Last night I spent time grieving and letting go. Like sobbing in bed letting go. It was good. In the midst of the craziness of summer days it can be easy to lose perspective sometimes. But in the quietness I realize that I really do love a house full of life. 

I was telling the kids this morning how much I was going to miss them. "But Mom you always say you would like some peace and quiet. Now you will get it!" piped up Sarah. True. And I must admit the different pace of mothering will be nice. I look forward to watching my two little girls play together and become better friends. This is my season to pour into them. 

In the midst of the tears I feel thankful for a great summer with some great kids who I really love. It's a new season and there are good things in store. My goal as a mama is to prepare them for the world. Today was another step in that journey. A letting go. Trusting God. Watching them soar into new things.

Today's timely devotional verse in Jesus Calling for Kids was this,

"Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

John 14:27

Thanks God that I can trust you and thanks for a great summer!

Here's to an awesome school year!

these two.

no fun mama.

Somewhere along the line I bought into the lie that in order to be a good mama you had to be serious. After all this is serious business this raising up of children. 

But lately I have not liked this "serious" me. When I birthed my fist child a decade ago it was as if a fearful gene was awakened in me. Mark calls me "The no fun mama" at times when I am uptight. And it is sadly true. I have been on a journey to let go...let go of control, fear and taking myself way too seriously.

This summer something happened. Part of me wonders if it is breakthrough or five kids has just worn off on me. But I am getting more goofy. Laughing a bit more. It happens in momnets when I feel like I am going to lose it and I turn the radio up and fake an air guitar. Everyone is laughing and rolling their eyes but it feels better than yelling for the umpteenth time. It is silly little things but it feels like something is being chipped away in side of me.

It is slow progress for this no fun recovering perfectionist mama. But I rejoice in the baby steps. And if you pass me on the road belting out a song to go with my air guitar...just smile and wave back! 

licking up summer.

If summer is like a big ice cream cone we have been licking it up. We have had our share of fun....and of ice cream. That's what summers all about. And looking at our summer bucket list we have accomplished almost everything on the the list and more. But yet still that nagging sense of dread lingers as we enter into the last full week of summer. Did I enjoy my kids enough? How is it over already?  Some days I felt like my kids were driving me crazy but now I am a mess as I think about them going back to school. 

Today as I was driving in the car the song "How He loves" came on the CD we were listening to and the words seemed to be screaming out of the speakers. "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves. Oh how He loves us." 

I don't have time to maintain these regrets. Time is moving on...School is starting next week. And when I look back on the summer it was really good. Sure there was plenty of fighting and yelling and real life that happens when seven people share a home and life together but there was a lot of good memories. And that is what I want to remember today. Not the regrets or less than perfect moments but the good times shared, the summer memories, the sweetness. Like an ice cream cone savored.

When I look back I will smile and remember...

lots and lots of ice cream and popsicles  consumed. 
sisters being sisters. 
the kids loving on Eden.
a great day trip to ocean city.
picnics in the yard and on the porch.
 lots of visits to parks....daniel's den. buckwalter park. safe harbor.
swim lessons. 
afternoons at the pool.
playdates with friends from school.
trips to goodwill with five kids always an adventure and always treasures to be found.
hike at silvermine with the groff girls collecting crayfish.
bike rides at silver mine and the bike trail.
our week at the beach. 
making forts in the backyard.
visiting that fish place.
helping grandma on the farm.
birthday parties.
sleepovers with cousins.
hope and silas flying down the hill in dump trucks.
skateboarding.
picking corn at joe & yvonnne's
bible school
visit to the library.
visiting all the great grandparents. grandma sarah sneaking them candy much to their delight. grandfather rowe collecting acorns for hope.
a visit to reuizt to visit grandma.
prophetic word from the waitress at JoJo's
new vehicles. 
matt & naomi coming home
lawn mower drama.
boys being buddies.
date with Mark to the Belvedere Inn in the rain.
Moses making a mini golf course in our backyard.
Sarah getting her ears pierced.
visiting the petting zoo.
picking berries out the lane. again and again.
moses reading to silas in the afternoon.
sarah making and selling crafts.
sarah and silas giving their lives to the Lord.
meeting a new friend through instagram. "seriously mom, instagram"
campout in the backyard with noah.

Thank you Lord for a great summer!