I have written about how marriage is sanctifying. And I have found this this to be true.
But even more so in my life, mothering has been sanctifying or revealing or frustrating however you want to word it. Mothering has a way of showing your true colors...some prettier than others.
There are seasons of mothering just as there is summer, winter, spring and fall. Summer break and winter always seem to be hard mothering seasons for me. Summer because everyone is getting reacquainted with each other after the school year and winter because we are all cooped up in the house together.
With the first cold week of winter blowing its cool air this week I have started to feel that familiar claustrophobic feeling of the walls closing in. We have spent more time indoors and our small house just started feeling even smaller. I was recognizing this week my need to get perspective now since winter hasn't even officially began yet. I mean we haven't even had a snow day...
One of the challenges is not just dealing with the kids and their squabbles but my own issues that arise in the process! They are fighting and yelling and I am ball of stress and it feels like we are all just one big hot mess. Today was a perfect example. It wasn't even nine in the morning on a Saturday and I had already broke up five fights and blew my top several times. I could feel the stress creeping in...
I muttered to myself "why does someone who hates conflict have to spend their whole day doing conflict resolution?". And I am not even a morning person! It just doesn't seem right.
But mothering is sanctifying and God knows my weaknesses and buttons and stress points and still gave me these five with their unique strong personalities because He thought I was capable for the job. And if there is an area that needs a little work He is going to use these little people to work it out in me. Some days it feels exhausting and defeating. And other days I can see the beauty and the work in progress. Today was the former but I am straining to see the latter.
I am recognizing as they get older how much I need to let go of control.
Give boundaries...and freedom.
Let them make choices.
Love, love, love.
And I know we are making progress.
Some days it feels like baby steps.
But right now I am choosing to receive grace, hold tight to God and cling to His perspective because I know there is a much bigger picture than what I can currently see.
Give me eyes to see.
Love grows best in little houses,
with fewer walls to separate.
Where you eat and sleep so close together
you can't help but communicate.
And if we had more room between us,
think of all we'd miss.
Love grows best in houses just like this.