Friday, March 27, 2015


This winter felt LONG.

At times it kind of felt like drudging through snow.
Some days it felt like the walls of our little farmhouse cottage were coming in on me.

Sometimes in the midst of the intensity of the seasons I am tempted to think if our circumstances were different I would be happier, a better mother, more patient, blah blah blah. Like in the heat of the summer I often think that central air would make me the most loving mother ever instead of hot, cranky and tired.  Or in the dead of winter if we just had a finished basement that the kids could run around in than surely it would not feel so crazy in our house. 

Recently while connecting with a fellow mom of five I was reminded that this is simply not truth. She was telling me how last winter they lived in a small house in the city with no backyard. This winter they live in a big old farmhouse twice the size with acres around and she still felt like the walls were coming in on her.


It's easy to think if I just had a bigger house, more money, a better something or other life would be easier but that isn't the case.

We have been dreaming for awhile of a place to call our own. Some days I love our current house we rent which we affectionately call the "Buckwalter Cottage" and other days I long for a bigger house and one that we own.  I can get focused on what our house doesn't have like a finished basement, a mudroom, a garage, or a laundry that isn't in a scary basement that I lose sight of its many good qualities. Recently I was looking at my pinterest board called "Dreaming of a place to call our own". I pinned houses that caught my eye. Most of them white farmhouses with wrap around porches. It dawned on me that I am living in my "dream house". Maybe not every detail is pinterest worthy but my viewpoint began to change and a thankful heart emerged. 


The last of the snow has finally melted and we can see grass again. There have been a couple warm days that have teased us with a hunger for spring. The kids are playing outside again, running in the yard and not the living room and the walls of the house and I have both breathed a deep breath.
Winter does not last forever. Spring will come.


There is beauty in every season.  Take a deep breath and enjoy the ride.


You are doing better than you think. 


Thursday, March 26, 2015

getting out of the rut

I have been in a writing rut. I thought I might never write again if I don't just start. Dramatic maybe but I have seriously felt that way. The more I don't write I question why I even do. There are lots of other women writing on life and mothering and such and I start to feel that my voice is weak and unneccesary. I feel kind of stuck with my words and how to articulate the processes of my heart and it all feels too tiring and so I don't. YET, I know that this little corner of the Internet world that is my blog is good for me. Typing on the keys pushes the buttons of my heart and forces me to stop and reflect. Looking back on my musings I get perspective on my very own life. In a sense I minister to myself. 

So I will keep writing. 

In the meantime I may not have been writing but my husband has. I love when he writes and puts his heart out there. He has a way with words both the spoken and written. Mark has a new website and blog at Check it out.