Thursday, September 30, 2010

Jesus and the Twins

Yesterday before I drove Heather to the doctors office I was praying in my truck. Trying to be at rest and also wanting to make sure that if there was something that I needed to be made aware of that I was listening. As I prayed I saw a picture. It was of Jesus taking these twins into His arms, they were smiling and crawling up in His arms. As Jesus started moving towards heaven with them in his arms he looked back at Heather and I. It was like we were dropping off our children at one of our parents houses for a weekend away or a date night. He looked at us with eyes that said, "they'll be here when you get back - you just go and have a good time - do what you're supposed to do. They'll be fine here with me."

That picture was very comforting as we left the doctor's office yesterday. We didn't see the miracle that we were hoping for - but as a good friend wrote in an email explaining our situation to those that have been praying for us, "the twins have gone to be with Jesus." So we continue to thank God for his goodness to us and even though we don't understand everything we know that He is moving all around us through this. Please continue to pray for Heather as the next steps in this process unfold.

Thank you all for believing for a miracle with us and praying with us. We have felt carried during this time. And when you think about the twins tonight imagine the fun they are having with Jesus!


Saturday, September 25, 2010

Celebration of Life...

We have been on a journey this week...and we are still unsure of how it is going to end.
On Tuesday I had my first prenatal visit. I was thinking I was 12-13 weeks along in my pregnancy. I had my exam and the doctor then listened for the heartbeat but could not find it. She was not too worried thinking maybe I was not as far along as originally thought.
During this time I felt incredible peace. On the way to my appointment all the songs on the radio had been about trusting God no matter what. I called Mark to come in to the office because they wanted to do an ultrasound to check the dates and see if they could find a heartbeat. I was still at rest.
The ultrasound tech did two different ultrasounds and after what seemed like a very long time turned to me and told me that she could not find a heartbeat. We then met with a doctor who told us that there was not one baby but two-we were having twins.
Oh the range of emotions. We were having twins-something we longed for and had been spoken over us-and now it looked like we may never hold them. There was many tears shed and prayers cried out. We spent the next couple of days wrestling with our questions and trying to find a place of peace in surrendering to God.
That is where we are still. We are waiting on the Lord in regards to the lives of the twins.

Somewhere though in the midst of the waiting has arisen a hope within us...that maybe just maybe there could be a miracle...

But even if the Lord does not choose to heal them in that way we are thankful for the gift they are. I really felt like the Lord has given me this time with them to be their mother however short or long their lives may be.

These pictures came from a dream I had last night where I felt God saying we needed to take pictures of the twins as a celebration of their lives.

We are still on the journey and not sure how it will end...but I know that we can trust God- that is the only way to find PEACE and REST while we wait.

I am thankful we have each other to walk through this with. It has been hard but I feel God is drawing us closer through this.

"All of my life in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship"
~Hillsong worship song~
"For you created my inmost being
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made"
~Psalm 139~

Friday, September 17, 2010


I love watching these guys climb and play together. It reminds me of all the fun times I had with my brother growing up.
Thank You God for Brothers.

dessert anyone?


Wednesday, September 15, 2010


Eight years together...thanks Heather they have been awesome! Just imagine one more in this picture:) I love you!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Eight Years and Counting... was eight years ago today on a fall afternoon in a grassy meadow on my parent's farm that we said "I do". I don't think we would have imagined how good and yet how different than we thought life has been. It has been full of joy, life, adventure, and some hard times too but I would do it all over again ...even the moves ( all eight of them) because I know God has purposes in everything. :)

So to celebrate here is eight pictures celebrating eight years of marriage and eight reasons I love you, Mark Buckwalter!

1. I love going to, visiting, and even living at the beach with you. So, so many awesome memories at the BEACH...

2. I love how you bring out the best in me...I feel most beautiful and at rest in your presence

3. I love your family and being a Buckwalter! :)

4. I love pursuing the Lord together and ministering to the hearts of people.

(Side note: I found this picture from when we were dating...over eight years ago. It makes me smile. I am wearing a bright orange t-shirt and very out of date jean shorts and Mark is wearing his "Mighty Warrior" t-shirt TUCKED into his gym shorts. So...we were not the most stylish but we were going for it with all our hearts!)

5. I LOVE being LOVED by you!

6. I love having date nites and going on adventures with you....even when I drag my feet sometimes! :) I love the romantic in you!

7. I love devouring whole plates of nachos (0r huge bowls of popcorn) while snuggling on the couch watching a movie with you. You will even watch chic flicks with me...I couldn't ask for a better best friend!

8. I love creating memories with you-like this one in Hawaii. Let's create some more in the years to come...

I Love You! Happy Anniversary!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Living Room

I have been very intrigued lately by a blog called resolved2worship (google it if you want to check it out). Anyways...she is a year older than me with seven children! She is gorgeous, takes great pictures and has some interesting stuff to say on mothering and life. She seems well, perfect, but i guess we all can appear that way in blog land.
Yesterday I was reading her blog and she talked about how she took all the furniture out of her living room and replaced it with blue gym mats. The living room was not being used that much and she wanted to provide a place where her kids could be free to wrestle, build forts ect. since they tended to do that on the furniture anyways. She talked about giving room to live...because they grow up way too fast.
Although I am not going to take apart my living room I was definitely convicted because wasn't I just complaining on the blog how my kids were dismantling the furniture? I want them to have room to live and be free to be kids even if my house does not always look "pretty" all the time. This is easier said than done...

We are expecting baby #5 and in the midst of feeling tired and nauseous, I have realized that there is still more I need to let go of...expectations of myself, the kids, and what the house should look like. Why is it so hard sometimes to just let go?
So here is to giving room to live and letting go and enjoying this crazy, awesome, sometimes hard but oh so good life of mine!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

A Stop along the Way

We have been having some computer issues all summer that have now been dealt with - it is great to be able to work with the pictures that we have taken along the way this year.

This shot was from my motorcyle trip to Virginia in June. Kevin and I stopped along the way in mid-afternoon. It was a bit warm as you can see on the Pepsi thermometer. We had a great trip and this was one of my favorite shots.

Friday, September 3, 2010

first day of school

Well the first week of school has come and gone. Both kids did great. Sarah hopped right on the school bus with a big smile the first day of kindergarten. She knew 2 kids from preschool and the one girl she even got to sit next to in class. Her bus driver goes to our church which also made her happy. Moses knew almost everyone in his class which is an advantage of being a big 2nd grader. They both like their teachers and had good first weeks although they were extremely tired by the end of the day. I forgot how much school takes out of them but it feels good to have some routine to our days again and to see them excited about learning.
Here's a few snapshots of the first day...

Thursday, September 2, 2010


It is a lot of fun to watch these guys grow up - I love to get out the camera and have fun with them. This is a shot that Heather captured of Silas as he proudly watched his sister preparing for her first day of school.

what happens when mama is on the phone

p.s. what happens when mama is on the computer is every peice of furniture in the house is dismantled into a "fort"...sigh. which is one reason i have not blogged in a month...