Friday, December 30, 2011

It's a....

So one of my favorite parts of this Christmas was making a little announcement....

We had both of our mom's open a present that announced the arrival of their next grandchild.....

little baby girl Buckwalter.

Yes, we are having another girl and could not be happier.

We had our ultrasound the Wednesday before Christmas which was an awesome early present to receive.
The ultrasound tech asked us what we had at home and i told her, "boy, girl, boy, girl "and she promptly turned on the machine and pronounced "girl"! We thought she was kidding at first because she literally just turned on the screen but she was not. Our little girl was in the perfect position to be discovered. We were shocked and excited and shed a few tears of joy. Such an awesome Christmas present.

Sarah was also overjoyed. She had been praying every night for the last several months "Dear God, please let the baby live and let her be a baby sister. Amen". Her faithful prayers were answered! 
I can't wait to watch her be a big sister to this special baby girl growing inside...

Monday, December 19, 2011

out of control

So I have now sat down and wrote and then deleted three different blog entries over the course of the last week. I was wanting to find the right words in the midst of my own proccess with the Lord and nothing seemed to be coming out right. Delete. Delete. Delete.
But what if it is not about having the right answers or the perfect words? Why do I even struggle to want to come across as having figured it all out?
And it seems like that is very issue the Lord is putitng his finger on in this season...
Last Tuesday Mark got laid off of work. There has been many postive things that have come with the lay off including more time with Mark over the holidays and a chance to pursue some dreams that have been on his heart for awhile now. We know God was in the lay off even if the timing was a surprise to us.
However, I feel out of control. Our finances, schedule, car situation (we now have one car), health insurance, and lives in general have been rearragned. Throw into the mix the holidays and pregnancy hormones and I feel very out of control. I know that the best thing to do is let go and just surrender to the rollercoaster. But instead I try to hold on and figure things out on my own and attempt to organize in the midst of chaos which leaves me stressed out and uptight and not who I want to be.
The solution is simple. Let GO. The funny thing is was I ever really in control anyways?
I want to be at rest in the midst of transtion and trust even when I can't see how it is all going to work. I have been here before and God has been faithful. My heart can be at rest.

p.s check out for Mark's side of the story....

Friday, December 9, 2011

"Jesus will provide..."

Last weekend we got away without kids with our church family. It was such a time of healing and refreshment....full of laughter, tears and great conversations. I came home feeling tired but full only to be thrown into one of the craziest weeks I have had in appointments, three kids to the dentist, babysitting, Sarah home sick for three days, the news of death, an unexpected visit to the mechanics. I felt like the rest and perspective I had received while away kept being threatened. On top of that it is Christmas time and I love Christmas...the decorating, time with family and friends,giving gifts, Christmas music...but what I hate every year is how stressed out i get about money. Every year I say I won't get stressed out but yet I do. Things always seem to get extra tight in November and December.
So in the midst of a crazy busy week and feeling the squeeze of finances I had a meltdown and was crying and stressing to Mark. In the middle of my little fit Moses comes into the room holding a piece of paper. While I am melting down upstairs he was downstairs rubbing pennies onto paper with a pencil and wrote these words,

Jesus will provide money when things are hard.

Mark and I both stood amazed. It was the word of the Lord. There was nothing else to say. I wish I could say the rest of my week I walked in complete trust but I want to be there. Knowing He provides and knows our every need.

Jesus will provide....And I can be at rest.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

I had planned to sit down and write about my cell phone my lone and only means of communication with the outside world was lost and then stolen last week. And how disarming it can feel to be without a phone....
But somehow today all that seems of little relevance. Losing my cell phone is a small thing....a nuisance or an annoyance but still a thing.
My heart has been grieving today for friends of ours who lost three of their children yesterday in a car accident. I cannot get them off my mind today. At the dentist. Driving in the car. Washing the dishes. Sweeping the floor. They keep coming back. So I am praying for them. And in the midst dealing with my own fears and mistrust towards the Lord in allowing such things to even happen. Choosing to fix my eyes on the Lord and His goodness even when it hurts and I don't understand. I am rejoicing that they are with the Father in heaven but grieving for the empty arms that have been left behind.....
I am squeezing my children extra long and hard today, trusting them again to the Lord. Giving Him my fears, questions and worries. Thankful that today with the phone not ringing Him and I have a little more time to talk ....