So in our little community paper there is a living section that always has articles about parenting, marriage and life (does anyone know what I am talking about?) and these articles often drill me and this week was no exception.
This week a women close to her 70's was writing about going through her 50 years worth of slides and the things she wishes she could say to her younger self. Her is what she says,
1. You're more beautiful than you realize
"There I was in my Easter outfit I'd sewed myself. I stood on the front stairs of our little house, with a smooth glowing face, slim legs, and a supple body. And all along, I thought I was fat and ugly. I was neither."
2. Relax and enjoy this moment of motherhood, it is incredibily precious and all too short
"All the things I ignored my children to accomplish-the cooking, the cleaning, the demands of work-are still there. But the children are not. And they are what matters."
3. You think it's all up to you. Believe me it's not
"God's in charge of the universe. He does a very good job. You'd be a lot happier and more serene if you relaxed and let Him do it. You will not die if you take your hands off the controls, you just think you will!"
4. And quit worrying...about money!
"In short what I'd say to my young self is: relax! Enjoy your life, your beauty, your strength. Live each day and let your future unfold in its own time. Right now, your life is better than you know.
Don't wait until you are looking at a picture show to find out."
(quotes from Wynne Gillis, Advertiser)
So...this article brought tears to my eyes and perspective to my heart. I hope these little tidbits encourage you as well! Be blessed today!
I spent the morning crying my eyes out (thanks Missy :) )realizing there was still sadness in my heart that God wanted to touch. I had been feeling so good this past week...better than I had in months. I had energy again and was just ready to get on with life. Then Wednesday I decided to do this kick butt Jillian Micheals work out video. Thursday I woke up feeling SORE and then Thursday afternoon I started bleeding....a lot! (sorry if this grosses anyone out). I continued bleeding and cramping for 4 hours and bawling my eyes out. The Lord was cleansing me and my heart. This morning I listened to a focus on the family broadcast about a family whose daughter only lived 2 hours and I was reminded again: that i am not alone in this journey, of God's closeness in our pain and the miracle of life. I am so thankful for the Lord's graciousness in this journey and for His healing touch in my life.
The surgery yesterday went well...thanks for all of the prayers and encouragement. I was terrified of going under and very nervous about the surgery but everything went better than I thought. The only crazy part was I passed out twice and threw up all over myself on the way home from the hospital much to Mark's horror. It is laughable now but very scary at the time. Afterwards I was so weak Mark had to carry me into the house! I was very tired the rest of the day but woke up this morning feeling renewed...
The phrase "Beauty for Ashes" kept running through my head this morning. Each time we have lost a baby the Lord has used that time to draw us closer to Him and to bring fresh perspective to our lives. This time is no different. We have felt the Lord's love carrying us and it has brought us again to a deeper place of relying on Him. It is good. I don't know why it sometimes takes these hard things to bring us to that place. I am looking forward to the NEW things He wants to do in our lives...the beauty He will bring from the ashes.
A friend of ours gave us a leaf like one of these a week ago with a note. She wrote how there was still beauty in the leaf even though it had fallen from the tree and left to die. I had saved the leaf in my journal and just thought of it now and how it is totally "Beauty for Ashes". I know even though there has been death...there is LIFE in heaven....and God is bringing about NEW life in our hearts through this!
"(I will) bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." isaiah 61
Many of you have been asking about what is going on so I thought I would post a quick update. After almost another week of waiting to see if my body would release the twins naturally I am scheduled to undergo surgery tommorow morning. I would appreciate your prayers. I feel at peace but am ready to just get it over with. It has felt like a long week of waiting and it feels like it is time.
We have been SO blessed by all the prayers and support we have felt from family and friends! Thank you! And thank you Jesus for giving us strength in our weakness and blessing us with four healthy and beautiful children!
As Moses told me last week, "Mommy now we have four kids here on earth and four kids in heaven". Wow...that's a lot of kids. But it makes me feel blessed even in the midst of our loss...