Monday, December 19, 2011

out of control

So I have now sat down and wrote and then deleted three different blog entries over the course of the last week. I was wanting to find the right words in the midst of my own proccess with the Lord and nothing seemed to be coming out right. Delete. Delete. Delete.
But what if it is not about having the right answers or the perfect words? Why do I even struggle to want to come across as having figured it all out?
And it seems like that is very issue the Lord is putitng his finger on in this season...
Last Tuesday Mark got laid off of work. There has been many postive things that have come with the lay off including more time with Mark over the holidays and a chance to pursue some dreams that have been on his heart for awhile now. We know God was in the lay off even if the timing was a surprise to us.
However, I feel out of control. Our finances, schedule, car situation (we now have one car), health insurance, and lives in general have been rearragned. Throw into the mix the holidays and pregnancy hormones and I feel very out of control. I know that the best thing to do is let go and just surrender to the rollercoaster. But instead I try to hold on and figure things out on my own and attempt to organize in the midst of chaos which leaves me stressed out and uptight and not who I want to be.
The solution is simple. Let GO. The funny thing is was I ever really in control anyways?
I want to be at rest in the midst of transtion and trust even when I can't see how it is all going to work. I have been here before and God has been faithful. My heart can be at rest.

p.s check out for Mark's side of the story....


Jaime said...

I can totaly relate. God has been speaking the same thing to me in this season...surrender. Breathing some prayers for you and yours this evening. Jaime

AmyK said...

It can be so hard to let go of things we think we have control of. Praying for you during this time of letting go.