I started out the summer strong. We had our bucket list hanging on the fridge. I was going to be the fun mom and we were going to make memories that would last a lifetime. I was ready.
Fast forward to last week and I hit a wall. I was tired of fighting children, noise and piles of laundry and dishes. I didn't want to make memories with anyone. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone. I did not want to take anyone to the pool or out for ice cream or do anything fun. Poor attitudes abounded including my own as much as I tried to "savor the moment"and "embrace chaos".
This morning I took all five to Target. My sister is getting married and the girls needed shoes for the wedding. Simple? No. Surviving target close to lunch time is like an olympic sport and the older they get the more requests you have to fight off while trying to remember what the heck you even came into the store to buy in the first place. By the time we left I had full out broken into a mom sweat and was speaking to kids through clenched teeth. I stopped and bought myself an iced coffee as a reward simply because I had just survived Target with five kids.
This mothering thing is tiring.
Beautiful and rewarding but tiring.
And its okay.
Too often I put unrealistic expectations on myself to be super mom and super human. And it's okay that I feel tired and that five kids in summer can sometimes feel hard. And fighting children is normal as much as I hate it and feel like there is something wrong with them.
And...GRACE there is GRACE.
There is grace for me when I feel cranky. There is grace to not have the house look like how I would like it to all the time.. There is grace for the pre adolescent child with the mouthy voice. There is grace for the siblings who need to compete about everything and anything. There is grace for children who misbehave in Target and whine in loud voices, "You never get me anything I want." There is grace for the garden that is full of weeds and produce that needs picked. There is grace for the three year old who is still not potty trained.
There is GRACE. Even when I don't feel it. There is.
If you are feeling this way too you are not alone.
Hang in there friend.