Monday, October 1, 2012

this is the way, walk in it.

I have been silent here on the blog. In real life I have been stressed out, uptight and worried. Not anything to write home about. But I also know that blogging can be a good outlet for me so I need to be writing, pouring out my heart and thoughts, declaring the Lord's promises and goodness in our lives.
I wrote a few weeks back that God is writing a good story for us. I truly believe that deep down but when I have not been able to see how the next chapter is going to end instead of faith I have chosen worry, fear, and doubt.
I want to continue to trust the unknown future to an all knowing God. Follow him step by step. Lean in to hear His still small voice whispering, "this is the way, walk in it"

end of the summer barnstormers game.

On a different note, our family went to the Lampeter Fair on Friday night. We have gone every year for the last four years. Usually we try to go at off times but this year we ended up there around 7:00 on Friday night. It was packed, the kids were excited and every few feet we ran into someone we knew. We walked around herding our children and silently taking head counts to make sure we were all together. It was getting late and  cold but the kids wanted to go through one more tent. Mark was ahead of me and I stopped to talk to someone. They wanted to introduce Mark so I called out to him and we all stopped to talk. I was laughing, "Yes we have five kids."...rattling off their names and ages. The woman stopped and said, "you have five kids where are they... i only see three." Mark and I looked at each other as if to say "I thought they were with you". We laughed nervously and looked around. Hope and Silas were missing and were no where to be seen. My mother panic hit full gear and I raced back into the tent. No kids. I ran into another tent frantically searching for them. Finally our friend who had stopped to talk to us found them at a stand helping themselves to a third helping of candy. I asked if they were afraid and Hope said, "We almost were but then decided not to be." Love it. 
It was such a classic parenting moment. Meet my five kids...ummm...where are they? I was laughing after we found them and gave them a good long hug. And this is real life with five kids.:)

Since I have been stressed out the last couple of weeks I have also been short with Mark and the kids. I am not proud of this. The kids have also been acting out a lot which only adds to my frustration and my feeling like a bad mother. But today while looking through some old emails I found this note from Mark that brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my lips. I am reminded of the good memories of summer and the importance of saying "yes" in this next season. It was what I needed to hear this afternoon, thank you Mark and thank you God for bringing perspective to my heart.

thank you.  thank you for saying yes this summer.

thank you for saying yes to painting on the kitchen table
thank you for saying yes to 5
thank you for choosing to snuggle with Eden while she is little
thank you for the library
thank you for movies
thank you saying yes to an American Girl Doll Party and sleepover
thank you for the barnstormers game
thank you for Kohr Bros custard dipped in chocolate
thank you date nights
thank you for going to Anthropolgie with me
thank you for loving fighter
thank you for the toy train museum
thank you for packing up for the beach (twice)
thank you for making a one hundred and forty year old farmhouse a beautiful home
thank you for making awesome meals 
thank you for homemade salsa
thank you for decorating
thank you for dreaming with me about the farm
thank you for cookies and Pine View Ice Cream (with Readi whip)
thank you for saying yes to me 10 years ago.
thank you for camping out with us!
thank you for taking the kids to swimming lessons
thank you for letting me grill with charcoal even when it's late and the kids are melting
thank you for being who you are
thank you for joining the pool 
thank you for making awesome ice cream birthday cakes
thank you for eating Browns donut with us
thank you for soccer camp
thank you for pizza on the patio at the Buck
thank you for planning to get Mack and Mancos pizza with us!
thank you for blogging about our lives
thank you for putting your heart out there
thank you for saying yes to me when I am a jerk
thank you for all the hours that you pour out for us....we receive so much from you it will never be repaid.

thank you for getting my children ready for the first day of school.  Thank you for being so beautiful.
I love you so much.  



Not Your Ordinary Anything said...

haha that fair story is really funny and their answer about deciding not to be afraid is so cute. that note from mark is so sweet it made me tear up. gold star for you - for this blog post and for life. :)

Angie Myer said...

Ditto what Chelsea said! :) **We were concerned about losing one of our two children at the fair -- it was PACKED!

Phil/Jen Kratz said...

Thinking of you Heather...since our short (too short) conversation at the reunion.
Oh and we were at the fair this year and had one of Ella's friends w/ us. At one point I turned around and didn't see either of them ANYWHERE and started freaking out...but they were just on the other side of the tent picking up some more free candy. I panicked over losing MY kid AND someone else's. Oh boy.
I'm so thankful for a God who is in control of every moment of our lives. Praying that you are feeling more of that assurance in both your heart and your mind as you wait to see what is next for you. Lots of love my friend, Jen
p.s. Mark's note is super-sweet!