Somewhere along the line I bought into the lie that in order to be a good mama you had to be serious. After all this is serious business this raising up of children.
But lately I have not liked this "serious" me. When I birthed my fist child a decade ago it was as if a fearful gene was awakened in me. Mark calls me "The no fun mama" at times when I am uptight. And it is sadly true. I have been on a journey to let go...let go of control, fear and taking myself way too seriously.
This summer something happened. Part of me wonders if it is breakthrough or five kids has just worn off on me. But I am getting more goofy. Laughing a bit more. It happens in momnets when I feel like I am going to lose it and I turn the radio up and fake an air guitar. Everyone is laughing and rolling their eyes but it feels better than yelling for the umpteenth time. It is silly little things but it feels like something is being chipped away in side of me.
It is slow progress for this no fun recovering perfectionist mama. But I rejoice in the baby steps. And if you pass me on the road belting out a song to go with my air guitar...just smile and wave back!