Sunday, February 16, 2014

adjusting my focus.

Within the confines of the four walls of my house all I can see is the piles of dishes and laundry, messes that need cleaned up, fights that need broken up, wet snow boots, wet snow pants,  and restless children with attitudes. 

This winters has felt hard. We have had a LOT of snow days and a LOT of time together in the house. I love my children. But some days when we are all in our little farm house together rubbing shoulders and bumping into each other it can feel discouraging and defeating. My selfishness is exposed. They are fighting, whining, hungry, wanting more of something. I don't feel like I have anything left to give. I wonder if I am even doing anything right at all. 

Yesterday was one of those days. Another big snow storm hit this week. More days off of school. More time spent in the house. More messes. More attitudes. It felt like more than I could take. I felt depressed and trapped in my life. I needed out. I needed perspective. I felt like I was too close to see clearly the blessings in my life. Everything was looking a bit blurry.

We all got into the suburban and went for a drive. It was silent as we drove, the kids quieted by the new surroundings and I felt like I could finally take a deep breath, look out the window and hold the hand of the man I love. 

It is amazing how getting out of ordinary day to day even if it is just to Chick-Fil-A can give you new perspective...
we found these awesome coils in the parking lot next to chick-fil-a....
when all else fails climb into empty coils in a mall parking lot and let your daughter practice her photography skills.

Perspective changes everything and mine needed a change. 

I want to learn to get perspective in the midst of chaos....because well, chaos is part of the deal right now. And like food, air, water and grace, I seem to need new perspective every day. 
I felt break through yesterday only to find myself feeling frustrated again today. 

I recently read that gratitude and negative thoughts cannot coexist. 
I am feeling a whole lot of negative right now....

So right now I choose to thank you Father for this life. 
That I am alive and healthy.
 For mercies that are new every morning. 
That you are bigger than my mistakes.
Thanks for your love. 
For freedom.

Thank you for my best friend that I can walk through life with. Our week apart only strengthened the love and bond I feel with this man. Thank you for giving us each other. Thanks for the way he makes me laugh and pushes me out of my comfort zone, time and time again.
Thanks for love.

Thank you for my five children. Thanks for their health and their boundless energy. Thanks for the way they expose things in me that needs to exposing. Thanks for the way they make me laugh....with their antics, hugs and the silly things they say. For their personalties and friendships. Thanks for the way the push me to be a better mama, a better person.

Thanks for this little farmhouse in the middle of nowhere that has been a refuge, a safe haven and a cozy place to live. 

Thanks for so many great friendships and loving families.

Thanks for hot coffee.

And chocolate.

 Thanks for snow days. And time together.
 And the hope of spring.

Thanks for a body that has delivered five healthy children....stretch marks, muffin top and all.

A table we can gather around.


A camera to capture memories and moments.

There is so much more...I am starting to feel better already. 
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

"When life gets blurry, Adjust your focus."

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