the adventure of yes

I recently saw a pin on Pinterest that said,
"Life is too short to spend it at war with yourself"

We were in the middle of making a decision. And I was at war with myself. Fighting the voices in my head. 

I am all too well acquainted with this battle. I wrestle with expectations of what I feel like a good mother, daughter, wife (fill in the blank) should look like. Some of it is fear of what other people will think or what others have said to me. Some of the voices are fear and some are religion.  There are days I spend wrestling round and round with these voices. I am realizing a lot of the battle comes down to the fact that I care way too much about what other people think. Way too much. 

A friend of ours recently shared about his battle of the mind at our kitchen table where we sat eating bowls of ice cream. He shared how trying to keep everything together in his mind is like carrying a load of laundry in your arms without a basket. Your are trying to hold everything together but you keep being afraid you are going to drop something. There goes a sock, and some underwear. There goes your jeans and another sock. Not only is it hard to do, it is exhausting, so very exhausting to feel like you need to constantly be keep everything together and battling all the voices telling you who you should be. 

But when I let go of the pile of the laundry, and lift up my arms in surrender I can hear the voice of my Father, the voice of peace. And when I stop caring so much about what others think and listen to what He says, that is when I feel FREE.

One of the decisions I was wrestling with was whether or not to go on a week long trip to Emerald Isle, North Carolina. (Some of you might think it is absolutely ridiculous to even wrestle with something like that but then again why should it matter, right? :) See, I care way too much)  I was battling all sorts of voices in my head. There was a part of me when Mark first brought up the idea that said "YES! We could use a trip away to get perspective and vision and just time away as a family...". But the other voices said "NO!!  That's too long, too much money, too far away...just too much".

 So I was at war.

"The adventure of yes seemed more alive than the safety of no." ~John Ortberg

In the midst of our decision making I came across this quote. It hit me. I really want to say yes to adventure and yes to the things the Lord has for me. Because contrary to some of the voices I choose to sometimes listen to I know He really does have a good story for me.

Also in the midst of this wrestling match I had several conversations with my sister in law, Naomi,  who is getting ready to have her oldest son graduate from high school. And just like that his 18 years at home are almost over and he will soon be moving on. Naomi is constantly trumpeting the message to enjoy these years and seize the opportunities to make memories with your kids. These are the things you can't put a price tag on. These are the kind of trips you won't regret. Talking to her brought perspective and helped me untangle and get to my heart.

So I said Yes! We just came back from a week in Emerald Isle where we stayed in a little cottage like beach house. It has been six years since we moved away and coming back was in some ways like coming home. Stepping onto the island was like a huge exhale. We spent the week riding bikes, hiking, eating good food, playing in the sand, finding shells, writing, reading and just being together. It was a week of adventure. It was a week of long walks on the beach, sunrise mornings and watching the sun go down over the water. It was a week of just being family.

I am glad I said "yes".

"Promise me you will not spend so much time treading water and trying to keep your head above the waves that you forget, truly forget how much you have always loved to swim."

~Tyler Knott Gregson


"The voice you listen to is the one you belong to."
~Jonathan David Helser