Friday, May 6, 2016

The Unraveling: Just Breathe

As a baby when I was frustrated or upset I would hold my breath. My mom tells the story of how she put me in the play pen so she could get some stuff done without me crawling all over the place getting into things. I apparently did not like being confined so I screamed and cried and held my breath till my face turned blue...and I passed out. I can only imagine my Mom's horror at her pig tailed one year old turning blue and going limp before her eyes.

Moses did the same thing several times as a baby and he comes by it naturally and I guess it speaks of my stubbornness and strong will. But also how when I am upset or frustrated that I will literally forget to breath. Lately there are times where I finding myself holding my breath and I don't even realize it till I go to take a deep breath and it literally feels like there is not enough air. I don't realize how much I am holding it all in.

Usually this happens before school when getting everyone out the door or at the dinner time crazy hour. It goes something like this. I am trying to make dinner or think about what the heck I am going to cook for dinner. Somebody punched somebody. An anxious thought goes through my head. Another kid is screaming. This kid needs help with their homework or wants me to sign the upteenth paper/folder/permission slip. Mark is calling from work with a question. I think to myself so and so's kids probably don't act like this. A loud cry of "MOMMMY".  And then I try to take a breath and realize I can't breath. I have been holding my breath with each thing coming at me.

I need to learn some new patterns.
I need to breathe. 

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on the religion? Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me. Watch how I do it.Learn the unforced rhythms of GRACE. I won't lay anything heavy or ill fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly"~matthew 11:28-30 the message

"A mother's labor and delivery never ends and for years she has to remember to just take a deep breath. Whole battles can be won by one breath and a prayer at a time."
~ann voskamp

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