Sunday, April 1, 2012

real life.

   It's funny how I can look at pictures on someone else's blog and think "wow what cute little kids or beautiful house or perfect looking family". Life via the blog world can look so put together and orderly. But what is left unsaid between the pictures is the real stuff of life...the messy not so pretty, ordinary day to day stuff of life.
  I love looking at pictures of my kids for that exact reason because after I get to the end of long day where there has been far too much talking back, fighting, and complaining and the daily grind of life combined with being pregnant has left me tired and worn is good to look at these pictures and think "wow what cute little kids... I really do love these children God has given me"!
  I have found that I have this pattern of flying through life and at the end of the day feeling regret as a mother after I put the kids to bed. I feel like I get bombarded with all the ways I messed up, failed, and fell short as a  mother. The scenes play over in my mind like a bad movie and I end the day feeling heavy. But the other night I forced myself to think about the good moments I had as a mother...moments I felt connected to them, laughed with them, or had a good conversation. Yes, those times I failed were still there but I realized there was just as many moments where I succeeded in loving, parenting and nurturing my children. I started to think about what God's perspective is. Does he have  a score card that he is keeping track on? Sometimes I act like it but I don't think He does. There is far more grace than I even know....
  So I think more than just a blog these pictures stand as testimonies of grace...reminders of the blessings in my life....not perfectly behaved well dressed little blessings who never throw fits, have bad attitudes and fight...but real life children who bring so much life, energy, passion, unpredictability, chaos and joy to our lives. And why should I expect anything else? They have real life parents who also sometimes throw fits, have bad attitudes, and fight!
So here is to real life and remembering how much I love these guys...

1 comment:

Missy. said...

oh man. girl. you are sooooo hard on yourself. so hard. let it go. all the expectations you are putting on yourself. :) and nice coat moses. it is hard to believe that that coat was too small for kaden...eeeekkkkk. :)