laugh at the days to come.

It has been a rough couple weeks. Sickness after sickness on top of sickness. I was staying positive till I got wiped out with a sinus infection and a hurt back. I spent many afternoons on the couch and instead of embracing it I let another unwelcome guest come stay with me. This guest's bedside manner makes you feel worse than the sickness itself and threatens to stay and never leave. Depression seemed to linger around the last couple weeks leaving me feeling hopeless and tired and worn out. 

Sunday at church something broke as I came to Lord weary and tired. He touched my heart and my back and reminded me of His love.

He reminded me that His strength is made perfect in weakness. It's okay to be weak. It's okay to need help. It's okay to rest. I can surrender my life and trust Him. 

Last night we were awoken in the middle night by the sound of vomiting...several times. This morning I was reminded that I have a choice. I can let depression come and stay or I can laugh and embrace the day.

And I know by writing these words I will be challenged to live out what I have written.

Today by God's grace I will choose laughter. 

Lord today help me to find my hope in you. May I be clothed with your strength. Help me to laugh in the face of fear and discouragement. 

four years of HOPE.

Four years ago today we welcomed the smallest little baby with eyes that seemed to look right into your soul. She was my tiniest baby weighing only 6 lbs. 9 oz. She was concieved in Emerald Isle where we lived at the beach and she came during a season of healing in our lives. Hope was both her name and what God was doing in our hearts. Her middle name Ireland was for Emerald Isle and my Irish Heritage. And we fell in love the minute we met her. Four years later she is still winning our hearts with her funny sayings, laughter and raspy little voice. 

We love you Hope Ireland! You are so special to us! Four is going to be a great year...just don't grow up too fast! 

Happy Birthday Hopey girl!

eden.

It is hard to believe Eden has already been outside of my womb for as long as she was in. It is seriously hard to imagine our lives without her. It feels like she was always a part of our family. These days she is crawling and climbing and getting into most everything. She loves to be a part of the action. She has two teeth and is working on a couple more. She loves to eat and devours puffs like they are potato chips. She is a lover of music and starts to move her body as soon as she hears a beat. She adores her big brothers and sisters. And they love her. She keeps me on my toes but her smiles and giggles make it all worthwhile.

We love you Eden Grace.

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be."

~Robert Munsch

daddy's girls.

i love this man and these girls.

I never knew how much I loved your DADDY till I saw how much he loved YOU.
~unknown

the best kind of medicine.

What do you do when half your family gets knocked down by the flu and you are bone tired and grouchy from wiping noses and cleaning up messes? 

You clean the dust off your guitar and worship. You force your vocal chords to sing the songs in faith that your heart will catch up.

I hadn't thought about my guitar in a long time. Probably haven't opened the case in a year. But randomly that morning it popped into my head that I should get it out. I had just spent the last couple days feeling tired, overwhelmed, and like a failure. I had just read three parenting books and then got tested with a couple days in the house with some sick fussy kids and it felt like a complete epic fail. (i know, i know, by whose standards?). I pushed the guitar thought away and went about my day wearily loading what seemed like the hundredth load of sheets and blankets when Sarah said to me out of the blue, "mom you should get out your guitar". 

Ok, that was loud enough.

So after dinner we all gathered around while mommy's fingers tried to remember how to play. Hope requested her new favorite song she hears at church and on the radio so we looked  up the chords on the computer. Over and over we sang, "Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me" until I started to believe it in my heart. It was craziness... kids running around the living room, pulling on the guitar, loud off tune singing, wrestling....you know, real life. But amidst the chaos we were rejoicing and our hearts were lighter. It was a miracle really.

The next day there was still noses to be wiped and another kid got sick but my perspective had changed. 

 "A cheerful heart is good like medicine." 

Proverbs 17:22

an unwelcome house guest

Sickness has paid a visit to our house this week. First Sarah. Then Hope. Then Daddy got hit...HARD. He is going on his fourth day in bed. I am going on my fourth day of taking care of five children and a sick daddy in a little house. So today insanity won over cabin fever and I took all five kids to the mall for some "fresh air'" and new surroundings. They did amazingly well and it was just what the doctor ordered. A few laps around the mall, a soft pretzel and some jumping around the play land and we went home ready to embrace life again.

A few weeks ago, Hope turned to me out of the blue and said, "mommy i want to be a plumber when I grow up. Or maybe a doctor. I want to help people. But being a plumber is hard. So maybe just a doctor." 

i love this girl.

And as for our unwelcome house guest, you can pray that health and sanity are restored once more. Thanks!

favorite.

Happy Valentine's Day!

photo credit: www.radiantimages.blogspot.com

thatta girl

So I don't read books. I devour them. Which is why I don't pick up a book all the time because I can get engrossed in them forsaking everything else until the final page is finished. Then I am disappointed it is over already. Moses at age nine is already so like me in this. He reads all the time. And he will be frustrated when he finishes one book and does not have another to start.

Anyways...I finished the book "Desperate" . Sounds desperate, I know. I pretty much parked myself on the couch the last couple of afternoons and read. So good for me really, instead of flying around the house trying to get a ton done or wasting my time on the Internet. 

I felt like it was a "thatta girl" to my spirit. I was surprised by how many truths had already been impressed upon my heart and I had learned over my close to a decade of mothering. I felt like the book validated my gift of homemaking and it's lasting value in our children's lives.  I was challenged and inspired to keep seeing mothering as a high calling. Insecurity and comparison are two of my greatest hindrances to being a great mom. I want to not look to the right or the left  but keep my eyes on the Lord who has given me these five different personalities to mother. And to remember love is really one of the greatest things I can give to my children.  Oh and GRACE...keep giving myself and my kids lots and lots of grace.

desperate and fit to burst.

My new books arrived this morning.

I am not one for reading too many parenting books. Sometimes I feel they can bog me down with "shoulds" and heaviness. But there are seasons in parenting where you can feel stuck and outside perspective can be needed and good. I feel like recently I have desired some encouragement and new perspective in mothering  and when I saw the title of the first book I felt right away it was something I should read. I even went to the local Christian book store to look for it on the shelf. An older man working there saw me looking and asked if he could help me.

 "Umm. yeah. It's a book called Desperate."

"Desperate??" he asked.

"Yeah, its a mothering book." I said sheepishly. 

He couldn't find it and went to the computer. "Here it is..." and he started to read out loud the description "for mothers who love their children to the depths of their soul but are struggling with how hard motherhood is." As he is reading Eden is trying to get out of the cart and Hope and Silas are running circles around the bookshelf. "Does that describe you?" he asks a twinkle in his eye. "You have your hands full". 

I laugh not telling him that this is not all of them.

So I did not buy the book that day but a few weeks later still feel like I am in some real need of something. Not sure what. But what I am doing is not working. So I order the "Desperate" book and then Rachel Jankovic's new book since I loved her first one, Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches. 

So I am eager to dive in. To receive what the Lord has for me. He promises that those who cry out for wisdom will receive it. 

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you."

James 1:5 NLT

sometimes you just got to move your feet.

I have felt so tired lately. Eden has been awake at night as much as a newborn. Crying. Wanting to nurse. Reaching to be held. The daily routine of being a mother and running a household of seven feels like it can take its toll at times. I can easily get overwhelmed and bogged down by all that is demanded of me. And I can be left feeling deflated and void of joy.

This morning Mark called while I was blurry eyed and still in my pajamas standing by the coffee maker trying to get ready to face the day. "I just felt to call and pray for you...to pray for JOY today". He prayed and I prayed too but forgot all about it as I got the older two on the bus and then braved the grocery store with the other three. Four hours later groceries hauled in, put away and lunch made I turned on pandora. Eden loves music and started bobbing up and down in her high chair when she heard the worship songs filling the room. I got her out of her seat and started bouncing around the kitchen with her. She giggled out loud. Silas and Hope joined us. "Let's dance Mama" they cried.  I started to move my feet. We were dancing around the kitchen. I began to sing. Loud. My heart felt lighter. Tears filled my eyes. What was that I felt? JOY. I felt happy and free. I looked at my children laughing around me and my heart swelled with joy.

It may seem trifle but it is no small thing when God shows up to a tired mama in the kitchen and touches her heart with JOY. Sometimes you just got to start moving your feet.