homeschool crash course

So I took a crash course in homeschooling. Crash meaning it was quick as in it is already over before it even began.
I was going to be doing cyber school with the kids this year. It "seemed" like it would be a good option because it would give me some structure but still the freedom of homeschooling. But last week after all the ciruculum and computers came I realized that this was not what I wanted to do and that cyber school was not all it was advertised to be. So after many tears, prayers, and debate Moses and Sarah are going back to school.
Do I feel like a failure? Yes, I have defintely wrestled with those thoughts. But honestly I more feel relief. I was ready to try my hand at homeschool but during our "practice" sessions I was becoming more and more anxious and really not excited about it anymore. I liked the idea of seeing my kids more and doing things outside of the four walls of a school building but I did not like how many expectations were upon me and how the younger two got pushed aside.
So I quit before I really started but I am okay with it. I learned a lot through the proccess and I think it has helped to make me a better mom. Just preparing for homeschool forced me to make some changes in our home and schedule.
In some ways it is hard to let Moses and Sarah go when I had been ready for them to be at home this year. But in saying no this year I am not completly ruling out homeshool. It is just not for this year.

When I started this journey and took the plunge this is not where I thought I would land but it is good and I am at peace.