drowning.

I shut the bathroom door and took a deep breath. Even here I could not find any peace and quiet as I could hear the kids fighting and screaming just outside the door. "Lord I feel like I am drowning"I said quietly.  In wash. In dishes. In children. In chaos.

I had just gotten off the phone with Mark who got an ear full. He gently reminded me that I need to let go of some stuff and if I try to control everything I am going to go crazy. I told him I thought I already may have. 

Now I was in the bathrooom trying to regain composure. Nothing was wrong. Just another day in the life of summer with five kids. Grocery shopping. Swim lessons. Everyday life stuff. But I felt like I was drowning.

As I said those words, the words to a song I heard on the radio came to my head. I looked up the words to the song...

Here I am Lord and I'm drowning
In Your sea of forgetfulnessThe chains of yesterday surround meI yearn for peace and rest
But today I feel likeI'm just one mistake awayFrom You leaving me this way
Jesus, can You show me just how farThe east is from the west?'Cause I can't bear to see the man I've beenRising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find restYou know just how farThe east is from the westFrom one scarred hand to the other (Casting Crowns)

The song was talking of a different kind of drowning. Drowning in God's grace and not my own self pity.  I was encouraged again by the Lord's mercy and grace that covers a multitude of bad mornings, angry words, tantrums and much more. 

I treated myself to a LARGE glass of iced coffee and took a deep breath. And there was and is still plenty of craziness but my day is getting better. I want to drown in His forgetfulness and not my own. I am too quick to forget His goodness and love. Oh how it makes a difference! 

"If His grace is an ocean we're all sinking.

-John Mark McMillan

a heart in the sky. a reminder of his love.