remind me...

My teenage nephew, Judah, has been spending time with us this week. I picked him up yesterday at basketball camp and was surrounded by mothers who all appeared to be at least ten years older than me. I felt out of place and a bit uncomfortable for some reason. I felt like I was in unknown territory and I was. I suddenly realized I am not ready for that stage of life...although it is only five years away. It made me thankful for TODAY...even if "today" is not always easy.
I was recently talking to some older parents whose children in their late teens and early twenties have made some rough choices in life. All the sudden whether or not my kids can go play in the creek or whether someone peed their pants seems pretty small. I am thankful God leads us into parenting step by step but I do want to learn NOW some of this whole "letting go" thing. The older parents I talked to handled things with such love and grace and did not wear their kids decisions as their own...which impressed me. I think that is half the battle. When one of my children growls at a man in the grocery store or another kid throws a fit at church or yet another child of mine whines loudly through the aisles at Darrenkamps crying "You never let me get anything I want!".... I can tend to overreact because I want everyone around me to think I am a "good" mom and I have well behaved children who always listen and obey! HA!

So I am thankful for the stage I am in...and yet I know by the time that next stage comes I will be ready for it too. I remember watching my sister in law with her four kids and my one and wondering how in the world she does it but yet here I am... and all the noise and kids and toys that I remember at her house is now my house. So I am sure when the teenage years roll around I will be ready to embrace them and will also probably be running to Naomi for some advice because Judah is a great role model for his younger cousins!
So remind me of this while in the midst of potty training and tantrums and legos on the carpet and crumbs on the floor... that I am right where I am supposed to be. Freedom will come before I know it along with a whole new set of challenges...so I will enjoy the challenge of today!

These pictures were taken Sunday evening on our little excursion into Lancaster City to Carmen and David's ice cream shop and Binn's Park. Mark took hundreds of pictures that night so it was hard to narrow down just a few....but I picked these because I felt they represented my kids "TODAY" in this season of life and they made me smile!

"When your kids are little you pray that they would just fall asleep every night.

But when they are teengagers you pray that they would come home every night."

-quote from an older mom in the aisle at Kmart-

release...

 I was sitting there unaware that the thoughts rolling around in my head had translated into my hands clenched into a fist...

Mark leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Let it go".
I looked at him confused. How did he know what I was thinking about?
He had the camera in his hand and showed me the picture of my balled up fist.
"Just let it go" Mark said again.

In order to receive from the Lord we first have to empty our hands of fear, control, worry, bitterness and disappointment so we are open to receive the good things He wants to give us in return. The result is peace, love, hope, faith  and trust.

I don't want to hold onto these things that cause me to tense up like a clenched fist. I want to come with open hands and an open heart....

" I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh." (Ezekiel 11:19)

don't sweat the small stuff....

I may be sweating it out in this old farmhouse but I am really trying hard not to sweat the small stuff this summer...

 We have been looking for fun ways to stay cool  like water balloon fights, pool parties, wading in the plastic baby pool, running through the sprinkler, eating popsicles and laying in the shade on the hammock...

 As well as staying cool I am trying to learn to keep my cool as there are more fights and whining than I would like this summer....Just because they are fighting and it is hot and I am tired and still have not put away our clothes from vacation and want to hide out in my kitchen because it is the only spot I can stay cool...it is no excuse to lose my temper! I really want to rise above the circumstances and remain patient...you know really practice the whole love is patient, love is kind thing....
I laughed out loud on the beach as I was reading an article in a free magazine I had snatched from the library. In the article the author was talking about how her ideals of motherhood have not always come to be and she is learning to accept herself and the chaos that comes from motherhood. She wrote, "The world is one big blaring alarm clock going off in my ear, but I'm staring blankly at myself in the mirror. My hair is pulled back in a knot -not the carefree knot of a younger woman...but the perpetually frazzled looking knot of a 39 year old mother who spends her free minutes (what free minutes?) staring into the middle distance like a ghost, fantasizing about central air condinitioning."
Yes, that can be me somedays...thinking man, life would just be better if we had central air. But that is not my reality right now.....I want to learn to not sweat the small stuff....even if I am sweating.....HA~

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. (um...even central air when the heat index is near 100)
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle, (even if it is hot and the children can't stop fighting)
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

(1 corninthinas 13 in the Message)

 

Have a great day and stay COOL....

the sea shore....

 We had a great time on our vacation to Ocean City, New Jersey. A highlight was that Mark's twin brother and his family came along with us! Another highlight was our good friends Ryan and Denise coming to visit for 24 hours! It was a great time of relaxing, late night talks, laughter, a few tears, lots of food, sunshine, surf and sand! It was a week full of family bike rides, reading, sitting on the beach, and sharing our hearts with one another.
I spent some time yesterday reflecting on our time away and looking at the pictures. Mark took well over one thosuand images of our time together! If one picture is worth a thousand words than a thousand pictures could write a book.... So here is the abridged version of our VACATION:

I am always amazed at how the Lord uses these times away in our lives. It makes me want to steal away from everyday life more. It is amazing the perspective you can get when you are not day in and day out in the daily grind of life....

"And I'll pour my tears in the ocean.

And I'll leave my pain by the shore.

With your mightly wave yous sweep them away till they are no more."

-Sarah Reeves

"We go to the coast for perspective. The petty details are left behind and in the vast scope of the ocean we rediscover what's truly important. The moist wind whips the dust and cobwebs out of my mind and leaves behind only waht's strong and solid."

-Dorcus Smucker

LIFE... after vacation.

The suitcases still sit bulging and waiting to be unpacked. The cooler rests on the back step emptied of its contents. The garden is overflowing with veggies and flowers to be picked.
But I am still on vacation time. I feel full. I love the perspective a get away can bring to my heart and to my mind. And looking back on the pictures I can even see more clearly the blessing this past week was.....
We are off to visit my newest little neice, Piper Erin, and then to a fourth of july party....more pictures to come....

It is for freedom that He has come to set us free! Happy Fourth of July!

True Confessions of a Prophets Wife: A Father's Day Tribute

In my search for perspective this week my eye caught an old pink journal on the bookshelf. I always enjoy looking back on what I wrote. Sometimes it can be frustrating to see myself still struggling with the same old issues but other times it is so encouraging to see how the Lord worked through my life in hindsight. And sometimes the words I wrote years ago come back to drill me today.
I opened to a page from July 30, 2007. We had just moved from Lancaster, Pennsylvania to New Bern, North Carolina. A total journey of faith that pushed me beyond my comfort zone and caused me to cling tighter to the Lord and trust my husband deeper.
Here's what I read,

"If I were to write a book it would be entitled, "True confessions of a prophet's wife".
To be married to a prophet is like a rollercoaster ride. While you are on it you want to get off yet you know life would be pretty boring if you didn't get to hang upside down once and awhile or go sideways with the wind flying in your face. There are many times I want to just jump ship because I am afraid I  might lose my lunch or lose my mind yet I know I would not be satisfied sitting on the sidelines however peaceful that might look.
Sometimes the very things I love about him are the very things I hate yet in the end I wouldn't want it any other way. I love his passion and his sense of adventure... except when I don't. I love his focus and drive... except when they are not focused on me. I love that He loves the Lord and is obedient... except when that obedience costs me something.
But are those really his faults...or my own? Are the things that I despise in him only there because they expose the very things I despise in me? If this is true how much more do I need him, do I need the ride with all its twists and turns, do I need the passion and the risks with all the sacrifice and costs.
For on this ride I am finding and losing myself and I need the prophet to be the woman I am called to be." 

Mark,

This is a belated Father's Day tribute to you, the prophet, my husband and the father of our children. I am blessed to be your wife and you do make me a better woman. Thanks for being who you are. I am with you on this ride through whatever twists and turns it takes.

love you like crazy, Heather

Quote of the day.

From the back of the van yesterday came this conversation:

Moses: "Mom I know how BIG God is!"
Mom: "Really?"
Moses: "Yeah, you know the song "He's got the whole world in His hands". Well if the world is as big as his hands I took my hands and it takes 17 hands to cover my body so God is 17 times our world..."

Wow. Child like faith mixed with second grade math. Made me smile.

Perspective in Aisle 10

Perspective. I know that I keep talking about it. But maybe one of these days I will get it...truly see things for how they are. I need to keep reminding myself of my need for perspective because my view can so easily be thrown off by temper tantrums, fighting, a dirty sticky old kitchen with dishes to be done, or a carpet that needs to be vacuumed yet again. But that is not true perspective.
I was at the grocery store with the four children yesterday which alone is always somewhat of an adventure. I had Hope in a big car cart and then the three others toddling behind me like a train with little carts. I guess we made quite the sight because people kept stopping me to say, "My don't you have your hands full" and "You've got a lot of little helpers today!". Yes, Yes. I say. Got to keep moving before little hands are tempted to touch anything. I am talking to them the whole time as we walk. "Please don't run into me with the cart". "Please get to the side so you don't run over that nice lady" (who turned out to be going blind and could not see the kids anyways)."Please do not play bumper carts or you will lose your cart".
Anyways you get the picture, we were making our way through the story when a woman in her 40's with a teenage son stopped me in the yogurt section just as was about to lose my cool after almost having my heels nipped by a little cart for the tenth time.
"I just wanted to say what a great job you are doing with these kids. The are doing so well with their carts.".
 I laughed out loud. "Thanks I needed to hear that.."
We chatted for a few minutes and she went on to say that as crazy as it is now you will miss the little helpers in the grocery store. She said people used to tell her that but it was hard to believe, then she pointed to her teenage son who was calmly pushing her cart. "But they grow up and you do miss it."
Wow. Perspective.

I walked away with my head held a little higher and actually smiled as they raced their carts thru the freezer section. I quickly lost that perspective at lunchtime but got it again in the afternoon as I recalled the conversation in aisle 10.

Savor this time. Relish the chaos. Stop freaking out about stuff that is not important.....

keep your eyes on the road

Did you ever have one of those moments when the words that come out of your mouth come right back around to you? Lately it seems to be happening a lot. Like when yelling "Stop yelling" to the children or encouraging my daughter to stop whining in a high pitch whiny voice....
So today while driving to BB''s, the amish discount grocery store, I was deep in thought. I was thinking about the book I just read by Mary Beth Chapman, called "Choosing to SEE", which was her life story along with the story of losing her five year old daughter. Talk about a tear jerker. So I was thinking about her story and hoping that something like that would never happen and then thinking back to some hard things we went through when my thoughts were interrupted by Hope screaming from the back seat, "mommy look at me". I turned around to see her showing me a small cut on her finger. I turned back around but she was still fussing. "Hope, I can't look back and keep my eyes on where I am going."
And as soon as the words tumbled out of my mouth they almost seemed to echo in my own ears. As if the Lord himself were speaking the same thing to me. I can't look back. I can only look forward to the good things the Lord has for me, for us. I can't park on fear, worry or the what-if's. I can't dwell on the could have beens or should haves. I can only look forward.

Such a seemingly small conversation with a two year old blondie with pig tails spoke volumes to my heart.