a life well lived.

I was standing at the kitchen sink when I heard a little voice from the next room say, "Let's play funeral". 

"Okay", said the other little voice. "I'll be the dead one."

Death has been a recent topic in our house as Mark's Grandma Shank passed away and was buried on Memorial Day. We went to visit her a few days before she died to say goodbye and took all the kids with us to the funeral. She was buried only a mile away from our house so now whenever we pass by Hope will wave and shout out the window to the "dead grandma". Kids have a way of making serious things comical. And I love their innocence. After visiting her at the nursing home on her deathbed we had a lively discussion about heaven around the dinner table. We all wondered outloud what heaven would be like.
Would Grandma Shank be with our babies we lost? Maybe she will hold them? Will there be legos? Chocolate? All the candy we could want? Will we live in houses there? Oh so many questions!

Death has a way of confronting life. It causes you to search out your own soul and stirs the desire to love more, live better. I think what jumped out to me the most at her funeral was the legacy that Grandma was leaving behind. Her legacy was 5 children, 17 grandchildren and 35 great grandchildren who were all impacted by her life and her love.

Wow. If I ever feel like my life does not make a difference its probably because I am too nearsighted.

I loved hearing all the stories shared at her funeral of the ways Grandma Shank impacted lives.
It makes me want to love big. Pray steadfast. Sing a little more...
(grandma shank was known to always have a song on her lips)

mark saying goodbye to grandma shank

Even though I did not know her well my life has been impacted by grandma's legacy. Thank you.

a little pep talk.

Tomorrow is the last day of school. Well the last two hours really. But who's counting anyways. 

I'm here to give myself a pep talk. I love having my kids home. It feels right. Its why I contemplated home school (remember that short lived adventure). I love going to parks and fun places. Eating lunch every day together. Camp outs and barbecues. Making a summer full of memories.

But five kids home together every day all day also at times means more fighting, more laundry, more dishes, more energy....more of everything really.

But the more I travel on this path of motherhood I find that the one most important thing I can have is perspective. If there is utter chaos in the house and I have a good attitude then we are good. If there is fighting and dishes piled high and someone peed on the floor and I am struggling with perspective then the ship is sinking and we are all going down fast.

My problem is I know this. And I am a recovering perfectionist who at times can think everything is my fault. I am learning that it is okay if I mess up. His mercies are new every morning. God's not afraid of my mistakes. What is His grace if I do not receive it and extend it to my children? 

So, my pep talk is this...

Have fun. Laugh at yourself. 

Don't put too high of expectations on yourself or the kids.

 Eat a lot of icecream. 

Embrace the chaos. Whatever doesn't get done today will still be there tomorrow. 

Lift off the heavy yoke of "shoulds". 

Celebrate the good moments and try to forget the not so good ones.:) Extend grace and you will find it. 

If you are having a bad day load everyone into the air conditioned van, blast the worship music and start singing...you will probably start to feel better.

 Go swimming often. 

The crazy moments make the best blog entries.

It's going to be a great summer!

so long may.

Dear May,

How did you go by so fast? 

You were filled with lots of end of the school year fun like field trips to the zoo, Olympic Day, and the school picnic.  School is winding down.

 It was a month of pulling the shorts out of the drawers and the popsicles out of the freezer. During your stay we slowly started spending more time on the porch and in the yard then in the house and it is a nice change. We have enjoyed the smell of fresh cut grass on our new-to-us mower and bike rides on our new-to-us bikes. We have loved the addition of a tire swing in the big old tree in our front yard. It feels like home.

We grieved the loss of Mark's grandma but rejoiced in her life. We traveled to North Carolina to celebrate a graduation and a new baby for Ryan and Denise and partied with my sister and our good friend Jed as they graduated college. There have been may cookouts and many more to come. And though you have come and gone in a blur we are excited that summer is now upon us.

 Thank you for the many great memories. 

June we welcome you with a sense of anticipation. 

love, Heather

One of Sarah's desires for the summer was to create a blog. She has a love for writing.
and is always drawing, writing and creating. So last week I decided to let her start her blog. She was ecstatic.  It has been fun to see what she writes about and awesome to see her come alive in writing. If you want to check out life from a seven year old perspective go to:
www.godswildflower.blogspot.com

mothering IS worship.

I feel closest to the Lord when I sing. When I open up my mouth and let a song come forth my spirit connects with God. I often feel His presence and love. 

Today was one of those times. I was on my way to Target and turned on some music. I began to sing and suddenly God was there in the van with me speaking His love and reminding me of who I am. I was crying at His goodness. It was going to be a good day!

I stepped out of the van and loaded the kids in the cart. Ten minutes into our shopping experience Eden was fussing and wanting out of the cart, Hope was whining, Silas was restless and I was losing it. How did I go from worshiping and feeling God's presence to this? Talk about from heaven back to earth!

I left Target feeling frustrated. Why do I so quickly vacillate? God's love for me did not change because my shopping experience was far from perfect. Then it hit me that it is a matter of perspective. Mothering is worship! It is a matter of seeing it as that. And knowing He is just as close when I am wrestling a wiggly baby as He is when I am pouring my heart out in song. I know all this in my head but was reminded again in my heart that this thing called mothering really is worship...it is pouring my heart out in a song. I just need to keep singing.

let joy be your compass.

All seven of us piled into the mini van before the sun rose with a sense of anticipation. We were headed south on a road trip to Raleigh, North Carolina to celebrate a college graduation and the arrival of a new son for our good friends Ryan and Denise. The week before we left ended up being busy with a field trip and other appointments and the kids seemed to be fighting and I was tired. I questioned whether it was crazy for us to drive seven hours for 48 hours there. But it felt like it was time for an adventure. Sometimes you need to get out of your everyday surroundings and go on a road trip to get perspective. This trip was just that.

It was a full weekend of celebrating and connecting and we come home blessed.  I also came away refreshed in the journey of parenting. Our children traveled so well and were amazingly well behaved at the restaurants we went to and the hotel.  It was one of those times that God seemed to be opening up my eyes to see that I really do have good kids. Sometimes when we are all in our house together we are too close and I loose sight. I start knit picking and worrying that they will never get it. It was an encouragement to see some fruit of our labor! And we had some good times together as a family as well as connecting with the Ryan and Denise and Hayden.

The highlight of the trip was staying at the hotel. We had not been at a hotel since Sarah was a baby. So it was a whole new experience! They loved the glass elevator and the free breakfast. And if you asked any one of them their favorite part was most definitely the pool! 

Some other highlights were watching Moses dig into the wings at Buffalo Brothers, Sarah and Hayden playing together, holding little Ezekiel, catching up with Denise, seeing Ryan accomplish his dream, meeting Ginny at the park, cracking up at Hope and the crazy things she says in the car, five guys mother day dinner, long talks in the front seat of the van with my man and devouring half a pig at the hotel breakfast (think plates full of sausage and bacon). Good memories.

 I came away with this reminder....

and

Let JOY be your COMPASS

a year of delight.

a year ago today i was awaiting the arrival of our little girl. 

 Today we celebrate her life. The joy and laughter she brings. All the milestones that this year has brought.

We love you so much Eden Grace. We truly can't imagine our lives without you. This year has gone by so fast and you are growing before our very eyes. You are oh so close to walking and I know by this summer you will be running outside with the "big" kids. You soon won't be a baby anymore but will always be our little girl! I love being your mama! 

Happy Birthday Eden!

live in the sunshine.

this week we have been...

soaking up the sunshine, opening up the windows and letting the fresh country air come in, playing baseball in the front yard,  making a playhouse out of the old doghouse, hiking at silver mine, going to the park ...(um make that three times) :), drawing chalk pictures on the sidewalk,  taking evening walks out the lane, driving with the windows down, running barefoot, eating lunch outside, and enjoying the warm temperatures.

yes..spring is finally here and we are loving it!

Happy Friday!

"Live in the sunshine,

Swim in the sea,

Drink the wild air."

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

motherhood.

I have recently come across some motherhood quotes that have made me smile. It is always encouraging to know I am not alone on this journey and to be spurred on in the day to day.

on the craziness of motherhood...

I love my children and I'm thankful down to my bones for them. I would throw myself in front of a bus for them but sometimes can't manage to find the energy to get them another cracker.

And that is the crazy we call parenthood.

Emily, www.chattingatthesky.com

on the value of children and how the world views them...

"If you are just looking for sympathy and an eye roll about the work you do, just mention you have children to someone at the grocery store." 

Rachel Jankovic

(and by the way this is so true. i get comments every time i go to the grocery store..both good and bad)

And for those nights when the children are tucked into bed and you feel human again and can't remember why you were so frustrated a few hours before,

" I am such a great mom during this time of day. I should write a book about how calm and levelheaded I am between the hours of 8:30 and 6:00 am not to mention how quiet and obedient the children are. I whisper "sleep" and they go, keeping on in their slumber without objection. I really got this "parenting overnight" thing down.

Jeane Miller,  www.neighborlies.com

on remembering to laugh...

"I truly believe that one of the greatest skills a mother can have is a sense of humor."

Rachel Jankovic




on the reality that this is what i was created to do....

secure.

 Hindsight is always 20/20. Recently I have been reflecting on this time a year ago. I was so uncomfortable and in a lot of pain. I was afraid that everything was really not going to be okay. Maybe this baby would never come out. Maybe I would never be able to walk again without pain. Maybe...maybe, maybe. My fears and questions seemed to confront me at every step

This morning I awoke to the sounds of my healthy baby girl crying "mama" and reaching her chubby little arms to be held. Her smiles and giggles bring me so much joy daily. 

A couple weeks ago I hurt my back somehow while bending down to pick up Eden. I was in a lot of pain. I spent a lot of time on the couch. It felt oh so familiar to those weeks leading up to Eden's birth. You would think I would learn from that time but my heart went right back and starting doubting again God's goodness. I was confronted with things in my heart and I did not like what I saw. How quickly I doubt His love. His plan. His goodness. But he drew near and touched those deep places in my heart...and my back. He whispered His promises to me there in my weakness.

He is always there. Even in those times that feel dark and scary. He is GOOD. He is LOVE.

My heart can rest secure. 

this picture brings me to tears every time. so much love.

ordinary sweetness.

A little belated but... Happy Easter from the Buckwalter's!
Here's some early morning smiles to brighten your day. :)

I sometimes hesitate to blog when I don't have anything profound to say or exciting to write about. But it is the ordinary everyday moments that make life sweet. Lately my days have been ordinary but good.

Thank you Lord for LIFE! Ordinary days. Laughter. Sunshine. Donuts. Ice cream. Family.
LOVE.