the best kind of medicine.

What do you do when half your family gets knocked down by the flu and you are bone tired and grouchy from wiping noses and cleaning up messes? 

You clean the dust off your guitar and worship. You force your vocal chords to sing the songs in faith that your heart will catch up.

I hadn't thought about my guitar in a long time. Probably haven't opened the case in a year. But randomly that morning it popped into my head that I should get it out. I had just spent the last couple days feeling tired, overwhelmed, and like a failure. I had just read three parenting books and then got tested with a couple days in the house with some sick fussy kids and it felt like a complete epic fail. (i know, i know, by whose standards?). I pushed the guitar thought away and went about my day wearily loading what seemed like the hundredth load of sheets and blankets when Sarah said to me out of the blue, "mom you should get out your guitar". 

Ok, that was loud enough.

So after dinner we all gathered around while mommy's fingers tried to remember how to play. Hope requested her new favorite song she hears at church and on the radio so we looked  up the chords on the computer. Over and over we sang, "Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me" until I started to believe it in my heart. It was craziness... kids running around the living room, pulling on the guitar, loud off tune singing, wrestling....you know, real life. But amidst the chaos we were rejoicing and our hearts were lighter. It was a miracle really.

The next day there was still noses to be wiped and another kid got sick but my perspective had changed. 

 "A cheerful heart is good like medicine." 

Proverbs 17:22

an unwelcome house guest

Sickness has paid a visit to our house this week. First Sarah. Then Hope. Then Daddy got hit...HARD. He is going on his fourth day in bed. I am going on my fourth day of taking care of five children and a sick daddy in a little house. So today insanity won over cabin fever and I took all five kids to the mall for some "fresh air'" and new surroundings. They did amazingly well and it was just what the doctor ordered. A few laps around the mall, a soft pretzel and some jumping around the play land and we went home ready to embrace life again.

A few weeks ago, Hope turned to me out of the blue and said, "mommy i want to be a plumber when I grow up. Or maybe a doctor. I want to help people. But being a plumber is hard. So maybe just a doctor." 

i love this girl.

And as for our unwelcome house guest, you can pray that health and sanity are restored once more. Thanks!

favorite.

Happy Valentine's Day!

photo credit: www.radiantimages.blogspot.com

thatta girl

So I don't read books. I devour them. Which is why I don't pick up a book all the time because I can get engrossed in them forsaking everything else until the final page is finished. Then I am disappointed it is over already. Moses at age nine is already so like me in this. He reads all the time. And he will be frustrated when he finishes one book and does not have another to start.

Anyways...I finished the book "Desperate" . Sounds desperate, I know. I pretty much parked myself on the couch the last couple of afternoons and read. So good for me really, instead of flying around the house trying to get a ton done or wasting my time on the Internet. 

I felt like it was a "thatta girl" to my spirit. I was surprised by how many truths had already been impressed upon my heart and I had learned over my close to a decade of mothering. I felt like the book validated my gift of homemaking and it's lasting value in our children's lives.  I was challenged and inspired to keep seeing mothering as a high calling. Insecurity and comparison are two of my greatest hindrances to being a great mom. I want to not look to the right or the left  but keep my eyes on the Lord who has given me these five different personalities to mother. And to remember love is really one of the greatest things I can give to my children.  Oh and GRACE...keep giving myself and my kids lots and lots of grace.

desperate and fit to burst.

My new books arrived this morning.

I am not one for reading too many parenting books. Sometimes I feel they can bog me down with "shoulds" and heaviness. But there are seasons in parenting where you can feel stuck and outside perspective can be needed and good. I feel like recently I have desired some encouragement and new perspective in mothering  and when I saw the title of the first book I felt right away it was something I should read. I even went to the local Christian book store to look for it on the shelf. An older man working there saw me looking and asked if he could help me.

 "Umm. yeah. It's a book called Desperate."

"Desperate??" he asked.

"Yeah, its a mothering book." I said sheepishly. 

He couldn't find it and went to the computer. "Here it is..." and he started to read out loud the description "for mothers who love their children to the depths of their soul but are struggling with how hard motherhood is." As he is reading Eden is trying to get out of the cart and Hope and Silas are running circles around the bookshelf. "Does that describe you?" he asks a twinkle in his eye. "You have your hands full". 

I laugh not telling him that this is not all of them.

So I did not buy the book that day but a few weeks later still feel like I am in some real need of something. Not sure what. But what I am doing is not working. So I order the "Desperate" book and then Rachel Jankovic's new book since I loved her first one, Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches. 

So I am eager to dive in. To receive what the Lord has for me. He promises that those who cry out for wisdom will receive it. 

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you."

James 1:5 NLT

sometimes you just got to move your feet.

I have felt so tired lately. Eden has been awake at night as much as a newborn. Crying. Wanting to nurse. Reaching to be held. The daily routine of being a mother and running a household of seven feels like it can take its toll at times. I can easily get overwhelmed and bogged down by all that is demanded of me. And I can be left feeling deflated and void of joy.

This morning Mark called while I was blurry eyed and still in my pajamas standing by the coffee maker trying to get ready to face the day. "I just felt to call and pray for you...to pray for JOY today". He prayed and I prayed too but forgot all about it as I got the older two on the bus and then braved the grocery store with the other three. Four hours later groceries hauled in, put away and lunch made I turned on pandora. Eden loves music and started bobbing up and down in her high chair when she heard the worship songs filling the room. I got her out of her seat and started bouncing around the kitchen with her. She giggled out loud. Silas and Hope joined us. "Let's dance Mama" they cried.  I started to move my feet. We were dancing around the kitchen. I began to sing. Loud. My heart felt lighter. Tears filled my eyes. What was that I felt? JOY. I felt happy and free. I looked at my children laughing around me and my heart swelled with joy.

It may seem trifle but it is no small thing when God shows up to a tired mama in the kitchen and touches her heart with JOY. Sometimes you just got to start moving your feet.

more love.

Sometimes with a bigger family it can be easy to focus on the negatives....more laundry, more messes, more dishes, more fighting, more opinions, more craziness.

But when I do that I lose focus of the bigger picture...more laughter, more people to play with, more joy, more reasons to celebrate, more prayers, more memories, more hands to hold.. and most of all more LOVE.

I especially see this with Eden. They kids line up to take turns holding her, fighting to see who can win her famous grin and steal her affection. The other night I overheard Hope talking to Eden in the bathtub. "I love you so much Eden. Best sisters FOREVER." 

Yep, a whole lot of love.  

And when it feel like I can't take any "more".... I want to remember there is always more love.

on decorating and dreaming....

Two years ago on a dreary January day I started a dream book. Kind of like old fashioned pintrest I cut and pasted pictures out of magazines along with quotes to form the house of my dreams. Last night as I was cutting and pasting some pictures into my book and leafing through the pages I was amazed at how many things I had cut out and attained. A vintage colander with flowers that I had found an exact replica at a yard sale. I cut out a gold round frame painted as a chalkboard and the next day found something very similar at Goodwill. A red and white canister. A butcher block. And I could go on. But you get the idea. 

I was marveling at this. What is the secret? Does God just love me that much? I know He does. But I think the key is in the dreaming. When I cut and paste and put my dreams into that book however small, I am opening up my heart. And somehow in that stuff starts happening. I find my dreams and desires coming forth.

I started thinking about what would happen if I got serious about "cutting and pasting" my desires and dreams for other aspects of my life. Opening up my heart to possibilities bigger than what I can find at a yard sale or goodwill. I know I wrote about this before here . However I was challenged by it again last night. Sometimes I can shut my heart down to dreams for fear of disappointment or failure. And if I don't really get excited about something than it won't hurt that bad when it doesn't happen. But that just stops me from being able to feel when something good does happen because one you close up your heart in one area it affects the rest.

So in 2013 I want to dream more. Cut and paste like crazy. Open my heart even if it gets hurt or disappointed. Believe for things that are bigger than myself. Pray for things in my life and my children's and see them come forth. 

"Those who HOPE in the Lord will not be disappointed."

These pictures were taken at our old house at Blossom View. This room, as you can see in the background, has beautiful 70's vintage floral wallpaper, purple trim and once was adorned with thick pink shag carpet. This past summer we ripped up the carpet and painted the floor. I added some vintage touches and turned it into a cozy nursery that I actually loved...wallpaper and everything. These pictures remind me of the old house where a lot of my love for decorating was reawakened. Where my creativity was put to the test and dreams were birthed. 

"Keep Dreaming and believing Mom. I am proof of that. Don't be afraid"

heart connect.

"If they could just stay little". 

I remember being a mom of three, three and under and balking at that phrase not getting it at all. Thinking to myself, "They are so much work when they are little and need you for everything. I don't want them to stay little at all". Fast forward six years and I am starting to get it. All of a sudden my youngest is crawling, pulling herself up and eating puffs and getting so big and I want to just stop time...for her to just stay little. I love the way her little hands cling to me and her sweet smell after bath time and they way she looks at me like I am the best thing she ever did see. She doesn't yet yell in the store that I am the worst mom ever because I won't buy something she wants or say that my gluttous maximus looks "weird" in those pants I am wearing or want to continually talk about farting and burping at the dinner table. Ahh yes they do get big and I do love those kids too. But realizing how much easier it is when they are little. Yes there is sleepless nights and continual demands but sometimes the emotional and spiritual element to the bigger kids takes me completely off guard. I don't really want them to stay little just close to my heart. How do I keep that heart connection I feel with Eden with the bigger kids in the midst of whining, fighting, yelling, homework, and life. That is my desire for this next year. To be intentional about connecting with my children and their hearts. To yell less and laugh more. Cause the truth is they don't stay little long.

I miss him already.

Well. This morning at 4 am we said our farewells. For a whole week. We have not been separated for this long in years. Maybe since Moses was a baby. I miss him already. 

I may be blogging more this week. Mark left me with 800 images or so to mess with and I have started a few entries over the last two weeks but didn't complete them due to lack of photos and time. I have more of both this week so we shall see....

Mark will be spending a week in Colorado with Jeremy Hess doing some photography and coaching. I will be spending the week with five children. Pray for me :) No I think it will be good. We are going to try to do some fun stuff while he is gone to make the time go faster.

We love you Daddy and miss you already!