that mom...

Sometimes I wonder how it is that I became "that mom"...you know the one who drives a mini van with goldfish crumbs on the seats, gum stuck to the floor and foreign objects rolling out when you open the door. 

The kind of mom who registers her son for kindergarten two months after the official registration date and when handing the secretary the birth certificate has to explain that I did not really name my son, Silas Marie. It was misprint on the birth certificate and yes I still have not changed it five years later. Oh my....

And that same afternoon be the mom who receives a phone call from the school Moses went on a field trip to saying he fell in the library and cracked his head open could I come pick him up?  And after arriving having the teacher say I did not seem too worried on the phone and Moses telling her that was because he does stuff like this all the time... he unfortunately might have gotten that from me!

I have become the mom who does not realize her daughter is completely covered in mud after feeding the dog... until we are at the bus stop. Who also doesn't realize that my son who is almost nine is wearing size 4 shorts... until we are at the bus stop or that he is wearing sneakers that are duct taped together... until we are at the bus stop. I guess I should be glad they are dressed and made it to the bus on time! It's only really my pride at stake.

My high school friends used to joke  "heather we can totally see you driving around in a station wagon with a bunch of kids." 

Well here I am. It's a minivan not a station wagon...we couldn't all fit in a wagon. Some days I can't believe I have become" that mom". 

But other days I am glad I am "that mom". Like when someone at the checkout counter tells me they can't believe I have five kids. Or when Hope climbs up on my lap and gives me hug. When Sarah brings me flowers from the meadow. Or we are at the ice cream counter ordering and the couple behind us can't stop exclaiming over our children. When Silas helps me carry in the groceries. Or when Moses's teacher tells me what a joy he is to have in class. Or when I hold Eden close and breathe in her sweet newborn scent. These are the moments I am so glad to be "that mom"...

I love this picture....
and yes my kids are in their pajamas.... :)

introducing Eden Grace...

When I was younger I loved to do photo shoots with my little sisters....I would dress them up, take them outside and pose them. I had my little fuji camera and would fill up the entire roll of film with pictures of them under trees with flowers, with headbands and hats on, and in different poses. I could hardly wait to get the prints back.

There is still something inside of me that loves a good photo shoot. While laying on the couch the last couple of weeks before her birth I dreamed of ideas for a photo shoot for Eden...while not all of them came to pass we did have a lot of fun doing three different little photo shoots with our newest bundle. I love that my husband is my photographer and agrees to my ideas including carrying a bed into the meadow. Mark did a great job capturing Eden. We were also blessed to have Lauren from Jeremy Hess Photographers take a few shoots of her in the studio. This girl has more photos of her as a newborn than all of our kids combined! I love it! :)

Introducing Eden Grace...

three days old in the meadow

three days old on vintage coffee sack ottoman 

photo compliments of Lauren from Jeremy Hess Photographers

four day old sweetness

two weeks old at Promised Land farm

Eden resting in the 1920's baby carriage I rode in as a baby

eliminating the "t" word from my vocabulary.

I should be napping right now...oh wait I tried to nap for the last hour but kept getting interrupted by the other children running circles around the couch where I laid. So I gave up. I sent them outside and I am blogging...some mother I am. :)

I have pulled out one of my favorite mothering books this afternoon, "Loving the little years: Motherhood in the trenches". I had been thinking about one of the chapters recently and wanted to reread it. Rachel Jankovic is a mother of five little kids so speaks from experience. In the chapter Rachel talks about how she decided not to use the word "overwhelmed' anymore because she felt like it was an excuse to check out and give up. And that even though she was overwhelmed with the workload of another child this was her new normal so she better get used to it. I feel the same way about the word "tired". I catch myself complaining, "i am so tired"...and I am. Eden is not sleeping super great at night and has fussy bouts throughout the day which makes for a tired mama. However, I know that this is just a season. A season where Eden demands a lot of me. This will pass. I am tired but dwelling on it doesn't produce more energy and it just makes every task in front of me feel daunting. So I decided this afternoon I am going to try not to say "overwhelmed" and "tired" anymore....I know that there is grace and strength for this season of mothering the Lord has called me to!

I was reminded this morning when I was awoken from my slumber by a screaming baby and four other children demanding my attention that this is what I could not wait for three weeks ago. And I am so glad Eden is here and a part of our lives. And I am feeling so much better than three weeks ago and how much better will I feel three weeks from now!

  Perspective. Perspective. Perspective.

"I am still in over my head. Actually most of the time. But deciding not to wallow in that fact has removed one of the biggest obstacles to my work-my own calculations of how hard the job is." 

Rachel Jankovic

just breathe...

A mother’s labor and delivery never ends and for years she has to remember to just take a deep breath. Whole battles can be won by one breath and a prayer at a time.   ~ ann voskamp~

I came upon this quote last week and it struck a chord with me. With Eden's labor and delivery still fresh in my mind I can understand the importance of breathing and staying focused.

Sometimes I need to remind myself to take a deep breath and let go ....it's okay to leave dishes piled high in the sink.  It's okay if there is mud in the kitchen and toys strewn across the floor. It's okay if we don't always brush our teeth or even have matching socks. It's okay if the kids are fighting again. It's okay if I don't have it all together at the grocery store.

It's okay. Just breathe. Enjoy this season. It will not always be like this...

hanging out at grandma's...

piggy toes and a confession

piggy toes

i have a confession to make...i love my iphone. i never thought i would say that. i gave mark a super hard time when he got his iphone and i prided myself on always getting the cheap free phones. when my cell phone got stolen in december i used a hand me down phone from a friend until that one fell apart...literally. then another friend gave me a phone which also stopped working. on night at dinner mark surprised me with an iphone. i wasn't sure if i should be happy or kill him for how much money he spent. turns out he did a little bartering with a client of his and i was the recipient of the barter. 

during my weeks on the couch i used my phone A LOT. pandora played non stop and i may or may not be slightly addicted to instagram.

anyways..here are a few shots taken with my iphone...another cool feature since i do not have a camera because mark has his at work most days.

i love all her little parts.

trusting eyes

nap time

the graduate

We have a preschool graduate in our house. Last Friday night Silas officially graduated from preschool...he is now headed towards kindergarten. He was happy to be done with school and his only disappointment was that he could not start kindergarten right away. He is excited to ride the big yellow school bus like his big brother and sister...

We love you Silas and are proud of the young man you are becoming....

In other news....the day before he graduated Silas joined the ranks of his brother and sister in losing his first tooth. This was a big deal. Several weeks ago we were talking around the dinner table about losing teeth and Silas was very disappointed that he did not have any loose teeth yet so he prayed. For a lose tooth. The next morning he surprised us all when he showed us his two loose front teeth. Amazing.  He's been faithfully wiggling those two teeth for weeks and was very proud to loose his very first tooth. Now if that tooth fairy could just got on the ball and remember to leave him some money. We have a very  forgetful tooth fairy...

mom...

i never knew what a mother went through till i was a mother too...

Thanks Mom for giving me life. Thanks for all that you have poured out for me...for your family...for my children. Thanks for seeing gifts in me and now in my children and encouraging them to grow and flourish. Thanks for laying down your life for others over and over again.  You are a blessing...

Mothers never stop being with child. You always make a space for me within you. ~ann voskamp~

gunslingers and skateboards...

We have been doing some photo shoots with Eden the last two weeks so Moses came up with some photo shoot ideas of his own...

The props and poses are completely Moses's ideas. He is always dreaming, designing, planning and creating. I especially love the skateboard poses...cracks me up every time I look at them.

I love my boys...

Buckwalter, Party of Seven

So last Monday night all seven of us all piled into the van  for a little drive to get mama some nursing bras and the family some ice cream... um yeah you know the "essentials". We got all five kids rearranged and strapped into their car seats and we were ready. As we pulled out of the driveway I looked back. The van was completely full. It felt different. This is our family now. This is our new normal.

Sometimes it is still hard to believe that she is here and that we are now a family of seven. A party of seven really. Because when we are all in the house it can be like a party...a loud rowdy one.

No seriously it is good and I know as I get my energy back it won't always feel like this..a bit overwhelming and crazy. And I am really enjoying Eden and the cuddly bundle of joy that she is. It's just that I have these little moments where I am struck how our lives are now forever changed by this new life being part of our family! And it is just weird to think how different life is now than two weeks ago. We are all adjusting and finding our way as a family of seven and already can't imagine our lives without Eden Grace...

my favorite people in the world

mama and her girls on Mother's day

Here are some my favorite quotes from the last couple weeks:

Hope: "Mommy can I pet her"

Sarah: "Mom you are going to take a bath??? Can I watch you?" (umm..NO! i have not taken a bath in years so this was a new thought to her. i guess maybe she thought i was going to play with bath toys...hmmm)

Hope: "Are you feeding her with your bottles?"

and Silas's classic question when I was still pregnant: "Mom, is this the baby (pointing to my breasts) or is this the baby (pointing to my stomach)?  Ha!

bandanas...

 Hope and Silas spent some time at Grandma's and discovered that Grandpa's handkerchiefs make the coolest accessories...you can wear them like a pirate, a headband or a bonnet, or even as a ninja belt. Hours of fun from a couple of bandannas....who knew?

two goldens...hope and fighter

mark and i were in the house and happened to look out the window to see these two cuddling in the yard...

 a special little bond has developed between these two. sometimes hope is terrifed of fighter and other moments she will lay on top of her like she is a big stuffed animal...

i am proud of the way she is overcoming her fear and learning to love ...

my baby daddy...

I have been so blessed by my husband over the last couple of weeks. This pregnancy has been a bit different in that I didn't just need help during the recovery time but also before hand so it feels like things have not been quite "normal" around here for awhile. I think everybody is ready to have mama back. Each day I am feeling a bit more like myself and in the meantime I have been very blessed by Mark and the kids helping me out around the house.
On Saturday morning Mark took the kids early to Central Market for donuts. Then they went to visit some friends and to the park to play. After that Mark took all four kids to the grocery store. I was so impressed. I don't even take all four kids unless I have to (summertime for example).  He let each of the kids push a cart...that was until Hope rammed her cart into the elderly woman handing out sausage samples! :) They got everything on the list and the kids helped carry in the groceries. I was so proud.

Thanks Mark for being an awesome baby daddy and a wonderful husband! I love you so much!