Friday, October 10, 2014

the green light.

So I (Mark) waited.  And and I did my best to be patient.  Some days it seemed we connected so well.  There was something about her that was unmistakably right. She's the one.  Then the next time I saw her she would turn her back to me while I was telling a story to a group of friends and just walk away.

 I remember going on youth group retreat with Heather and her roomates.  We were there to share with the kids and lead worship and love on them.  It was mostly awesome.  The kids went through powerful experiences with God.  I got along great with Heather's roommates.  We talked and laughed together and life was good.  Then there was Heather.  It seemed like the only time that we talked that weekend she was apologizing.  While I was talking to her friends - she was walking away.  All weekend two specific thoughts kept running through my mind.  "She's too spiritual for you"  and "she hates you."   By the end of the weekend I was pretty sure that those things were true and that there was no future for us.  I woke up Monday morning determined that she was no longer the one and that I had simply been attracted to a pretty girl and dreamed the whole thing up.  Later that day I got an email.  "Mark, I'm sorry for the way that I was acting towards you this weekend.  I just kept believing these two lies about you all weekend.  1 - that you were too spiritual for me and 2 - that you hated me."  I couldn't believe what I was reading.  While I wasn't sure exactly what it meant, I was pretty sure that it meant something.  So I decided to keep watching and waiting.

Finally in January I got the green light.  As we sat in my car in a mostly deserted strip mall parking lot I shared the journey of the last 9 months with her.  I shared how sometimes I was  convinced that there was something going on and other times I was sure that I was completely dreaming the whole thing up.  I put everything out there and then I looked at her.  "I'm sure you sensed some attraction or felt like something was going on?"

", I didn't even think you liked all" she answered.

And then we sat there in akward silence.  This woman that I desperately wanted to spend my life with sat there and stared blankly back at me, sharing nothing of what was going on inside her heart.
After what seemed like a forever she shared that these things were connecting with her heart and we agreed to spend the next week praying about whether or not we should begin a relationship.

In the course of your life there are a few days, moments and feelings that stand out.  Winning a big game in little league or high school.  Waking up on Christmas morning and being filled with anticipation and getting the bike you were dreaming of.  This night my drive home was the best of all of those nights combined.  It was January but the sunroof was open as I blasted the radio and allowed my heart to believe that I hadn't dreamed up this whole love story.  "This is really happening!" I thought.  This is actually going to happen.

I got home late that night and fell asleep exhausted from what had been a full weekend even before Heather and I talked.  In the middle of the night I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep.  Frustrated I got out my journal and asked the Lord what was going on.  Immediately a verse was spoken into my mind.  Unsure of what it was I looked it up.  It was a promise.  God began to speak about this promise and I opened up my journal to record what he was saying.  "This woman will be your wife and you will be her husband..." that was how the entry started and for the next hour I wrote down the promises that I heard about our lives being joined together.  Finally after an hour I wrote the last words and fell back asleep asking God to confirm in Heather's heart what he had been speaking to me.

That hour between 2 and 3 oclock on January 21st 2002 amazed me.  I envisioned myself sharing the journal entry with Heather for the first time the day that we got married.  I had no doubt about what God was doing and I was so excited to meet with her on Friday and see if she was hearing the same things.

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